ou guys are bringing back memories in these latest posts. Its a John Waters movie, I'm suprised you've not seen it before.
Its a joke 'based on true events', nothing in its real. Return of the Living Dead is real though

Forgot to post here yesterday, these are from Friday:

Lazerhawk - nice scifi movie, which is a bit of a boy's adventure movie too. Nerd guy teams up with comic book fangirl and together with the creator of the comics they are saving the world from an invasion by spiderlike aliens. This movie stretches it way too far, but they do it with a smile all the time, so it is OK. Suspense of disbleief must be on the max, though In the end they do something really radical, because they blow up the moon. I was immediately wondering what would happen if that really happened: tides would stop, which would cause... what? Well, I had a good time watching this one. If you like scifi, watch it.

L'uomo la donna e la bestia - OK, this was very weird. Another example of total craziness from Italy in the 70s. This movie is not really clear on what it is about, but it is full of stuff that (most) people would find sick, immoral and/or depraved, like the butcher guy who masturbates inside a cow's corpse (piece of meat). There is also the birth of a little calf which made me look away for the first time in months. It just looks so gross. The final scene was so dirty that at first I didn't believe my eyes. Recommended if you like sick stuff.

The 8th Plague - something about demons and other stuff. I couldn't follow the storyline so well, most of this film looked like frantically edited imagery with fast paced shots of factory halls and faces close up. Not scary at all, no hot chicks, this just wasn't it. Avoid.

And these are from yesterday:

Death Bed, The Bed That Eats - haha, what a joke! This is a real killer, a bed which eats people. This premise should be enough for you to judge if you want to see this or not. The film itself is very simple and starightforward: by titles like "Breakfast" and "Lunch" you get hints on what is going on. People get on the bed and it eats them. Simple as that. There is also a guy trapped behind a painting, that part was a bit vague. Recommended for bad moviefans.

Stag Night Of The Dead - I thought this was gonna be about zombies. It wasn't. It is a movie in the category of End of the Line, Midnight Meat Train, Creep, etc. On his bachelor party, Mike and his friends end up in the subway system of NYC. Upon entering an abandoned station they see a cop get slaughtered by a few wild men. After that, the men start chasing them. It was quite OK, at some points I was on the edge of my seat. The ending was way too predictable, though. Mildly recommended.

Tucker And Dale Vs Evil: Genious! Saw a Workprint, still missing many of the effects. I tried to wait for a better copy, but couldn't bring myself to do it, since I was enjoying it too much. It´s more comedy than horror, but you still get your fix of gore. Some college kids start thinking that two likeble hillbillies are out to get them and things escalate to the point that the two friends swear that the kids have some kind of suicide pact. Many laugh out loud moments of sheer brilliance. Recomended for all you guys who like your horror mixed with humor.

The Day of the Triffids - somewhat dragging a bit at times, this is one nice scifi stinker with walking and man-eating plants who make weird sounds too, btw. Oh, and everyone in the world except a few people got blinded by a meteor shower (what this has to do with the rest of the story is not very clear). The plants are cool and the panic among people is also nicely portrayed. I thought it was a bit lame that they waited so long to come up with the simplest of solutions. Recommended if you like bad movies.

River Of Darkness - wow, this was bad. All actors were acting like it was their first time, very consciously letting know to the audience that they are aware of the camera and crew, whilst articulating their lines almost word for word. The story is ridiculous and cliche: three guys have been killed 30 years ago and now they are back from the dead to avenge their deaths. Of course they first start killing off people who haven't done anything or aren't even 30 years old yet. Yes, very logical, undead people. A sherif wannabe is sure that the troubles will stop when they give the undead their targetman. The end gives us a plottwist that defies all logic once again and is sure to make you fall off your couch laughing. It is that stupid. Only for bad moviefans, be warned!

War of The Gargantuas - Gojira rip-off, with two large ape-like monsters. If you have seen an Gojira movie, you know what to expect: a science team, of which one member is female, a large role for the military and their toy tanks, large monster(s) which destroy towns and they get fired at with planes, helicopters, you name it. One of the monsters is good, the other bad. At some point they start fighting each other. The military wants them dead, but the scientists want them alive (surprise, surprise). This goes on and on. The End. Only for bad moviefans (one of the gargantuas grabs a jeep, but when he throws it, it has turned into a tank - wtf magic).

Dark Angel: The Ascent - this rip had some jerky playback, even some sounds were missing. The storyline was a bit boring and pretty corny too. An angel from hell wants to see the earth and her wish comes true. There, she battles bad guys and becomes good. Blegh. Then a doctor falls in love with her (oh no, ER warning) and it becomes a lovestory. Only good thing about this is one nicely tight outfit she wears. Forgettable garbage, imo.

Read the book or watch the original series, if I recall correct you'll get a better explanantion of it

Squeal - a band on a roadtrip to a concert gets car trouble. While some of them go find help, the others are kidnapped by a pigman family (a guy and a midget, half man, half pig - they are, yes, you have to believe it, the result of some genetic engineering in some hospital). The pigman family is not of the tender kind. They slash and hack their way through their victims, regularly screaming, I mean squealing. The other 3, who went out for help, find out about the 3 who got caught and try to liberate them. This fails. I must say, for a straightforward violence film, this had some good elements, for example, I was at a point wondering whether they would make it out alive and in real bad movies I don't do that. Also, this film doesn't fall in the pit of dragging and lengthy movies, as it is only 74 minutes long. This of course doesn't mean it is a masterpiece. It is not. But I enjoyed it anyway, even with all the plotholes.

Virus X - well, this was bad. A rich woman pays scientists (damn, I hate to type that word!) to create an unstoppable virus. They use test people, but when one escapes, the entire science team gets to be a test person. This was the funpart. From now on, it will be stupid. And predictable too. All characters you will dislike, will die and the "nice" people will survive. The ending is oh so cliche. There, I saved you 84 minutes of your life.

Slayer, you really watched squeal?
I did not expect much of this film, so I started fast forwarding from the beginning to see if it is worth my time. Fast forward... 'actor': shit. Fast forward... 'actor': fuck. Fast forward... 'actor': shit+scream. Fast forward... more fuck, shit and screaming. All in all the few moments I watched looked like extremely low quality. Nothing I really need -> Deleted.

Yes, I almost always watch movies in their entirety, in order to be able to recommend it or warn others about it. Main reason to watch this one was that it wasn't too long. I don't hear the swearing anymore, at least, I'm not bothered by it. I didn't expect anything good when I started watching it, so I was surprised I found myself wondering who would survive the ordeal. But a crappy movie it is, certainly.

Ultimax Force - hahaha, wow, that was hilariously bad! A group of ninja-like mercenaries goes into Vietnam to rescue a POW. They get doublecrossed all the time and they have to fight overwhelming numbers of enemies, but they just jump and swirl and then shoot everyone down. It is so much over the top, it is almost unbelievable. Acting/dubbing is a bit wooden, but if you want to see a brainless actionflick which you can laugh at for it's stupidity, pick this one.

Burned at the Stake - a very, very lame film inspired by Salem Witch Trials. Somehow a girl in present day time gets sort of possessed by An Putnam, the girl who accued several innocent people of witchcraft in Salem, 1692. And somehow the father of a 5-year old who got accused in 1692 as well, gets teleported to today too. OK, so now all credibility is out of the window, we have to endure long scenes of screaming "Burn the witch!" and a very corny scene in which they both return to 1692 to save the 5-year old child from burning at the stake. Wow, that was lame. Avoid at all cost.

Killers Moon - some escaped criminally insane wander about and find a house which is filled with schoolgirls and their two teachers who had their bus breaking down by the road earlier that day. They start to harass the women and the girls, whilst wondering whether what they are experiencing is real or a dream (the psychiatrist did some dream experiments on them, that's why). I wonder if the makers of this one were fans of Stanley Kubrick's Clockwork Orange, because the convicts wear white clothing and one has a black tophat like in that movie. Also, the violence reminds one of Clockwork Orange. Near the end a revenge theme starts. I liked this film, pretty good, except maybe for lack of originality. Recommended.

Black Swan - went to the theatre to watch this one with the wife. Knowing that Portman got an Oscar for this, I was expecting something good. Well, it was. Aronofsky has grabbed me before with his depressing moods in films like Pi and Requiem for a Dream, and he does it again. Even when you are watching this film after having heard what it is about (like me), it still comes crashing in. I was impressed. I knew that it was going downhill with Portman's character (Nina) and still, actually seeing it happen smashed me into my seat. Aronofsky meticulously shows the pain dancers have to go through to make it, and he also uses a side character (very well played by Mila Kunis) to show Nina's inner struggle in an intelligent way. It isn't so much a horrorfilm, the horror is in the mind, a psycho horror if you want. But it is great. Highly recommended!

Love Goddess Of The Cannibals (aka Papaya dei Caraibi) - after having come home from watching Black Swan I realised that most of the time I'm watching garbage, but then again, I enjoy that too, so here it goes. This isn't a cannibal movie at all. There is one scene where a guy takes a bite, but it is totaly incomparable to stuff like Amazonia or anything like that. This is mopre of a sexploitation film, where you can easily ffwd thorugh the sleazy sexparts, as you will only miss the cheesy music which accompanies those scenes. The storyline is very flat: natives want to kill people who work on building a reactor on their land. That's it. Lots of nudity of course, but since I was expecting at least some cannibal action, I was disappointed.

Scarecrows - criminals hijack a plane to escape with a large crate filled with moneybags. One guy doublecrosses the team by jumping out, and they follow him to get even. Unfortunately for them, they land in the vicinity of a ring of scarecrows, and they somehow become alive. Then everyone gets killed off, especially when they are trying to retrieve the money. Brainless entertainment with some nice gore. Mildly recommended, not a must see.

My Soul To Take - latest Wes Craven. I didn't read anything about it, but I knew it was about a serial killer returning to a town to kill all kids who were born the day he (supposedly) died. I sat down to see if Craven still has it. I must say, I enjoyed this one. It is not Scream, but it was good enough. I was fairly late with guessing who the killer was and before I guessed that person, two other options had died already. This made me watch closely and it was fun. There were some minor things which could have been better (like originality), but all in all this was quite a good teen slasher. Recommended.

Liebes Lager - one of the few nazisploitations which are available in their original language (in this case Italian). The story is about a women's camp (surprisingly) where the major is not leading a large rape campaign among the women. Instead, he is having moral issues all the time, while his subordinates are trying to get their hands on the female flesh. There is also a doctor who keeps calculating the best length of the rope used on the gallows, which is kind of weird, imo. For some reason, the director also tries to make us laugh at times, which is kind of misplaced in a film with such a theme. Some of the men get killed, and then people from another camp arrive. The plan rises to mutiny and to tuirn the women's camp into a whorehouse (ah, now I recognised the film in it's genre again). Some sex evolves, a love story between a prisoner and a guard develops, the women take matters into their own hands and then the film ends. An irregular nazisploitation, I would say. Recommended for fans of the genre. If you're new to it, it is not the worst choice, but it is not very typical.

Tiempo De Muertos (Time Of The Dead) - a short film, posted here by it's maker. I was expecting some zombie action, because of the title. Although this runs for only 35 minutes, it was very boring. From time to time I was urging the film to move on, as it is kind of annoying to look at a guy staring at a wall/laptop/out of a window for 2 minutes. There is actually only one actor, who has a voice over. The acting isn't very strong, the guy never looks really frightened while he should be according to the voice over. The storyline is a nice way to start a film with, but it just doesn't develop. Camerawork is OK, the two action moments where the guy meets a zombie are a bit meh, because they are over so fast. And, more importantly, because one of them is in the first few minutes, you expect more and then it doesn't come. In the final sequence, there is something with multiple personalities. Again: nice thought, a bit poorly executed. And it was bit detached from the rest of the film. I really hope that the next project contains more action. For now, I cannot recommend this.

Chained Heat - WIP with Linda Blair as an innocent girl being sent to prison, having to survive amidst the tough chicks already living there for years. Everything is there: a corrupt warden, a captain who deals in drugs together with an outsider, a snitch, racial tensions among the prisoners, etc. The story doesn't evolve in any original way, but I liked the part where they leave the prison to be callgirls at a party, that was something I was used to see in nazisploitations, but not in WIP. A nice and exemplary WIP movie, recommended for anyone.

Blood On Satans Claw - a rarity occurred: I fell asleep before this movie was over. I don't blame the movie though, I think it was my physical condition. I just finished watching the last 15 minutes. The story is set in the 18th century and it is about witchcraft in a village. It reminded me a lot of Hammer movies, the atmosphere and everything (maybe it was a Hammer movie and I just didn't notice that). It took me a while to get into the story, but it is a good one, it keeps you in the dark until a certain point and then it hits you. Nice, recommended.

that excuse i have heard before somewhere...

Well, I just wanted to make clear that this time, it wasn't the movie

Orgasmo Nero - had this filed under cannibalsploitation, but it isn't. There is only one short hint at cannibalism near the end of the movie and that's it. The rest of the movie is filled with sex scenes, heterosexual and lesbian. The storyline is supercrappy and obviously less important than the screentime for skin. There is one ridiculous attempt to put some morale into the storyline about white people being the real primitives of this earth while the inhabitants of tropical islands are the wise people, but it fails miserably. Keep the ffwd button ready, because the sex becomes repetitive soon. Not recommended.

Nosferatu in Venice - haven't seen Nosferatu by Herzog yet, therfore I had doubts whether I should watch this one, as it has Klaus Kinski as Nosferatu too. When I read that this was directed by a bunch of Italian directoirs, my doubts were gone: Italian directors are known for making "sequels" which have nothing to do with the original ("Alien 2 sulla terra" anyone?). I'm almost sure Kinski is the only similarity with Herzog's movie. This one was kind of boring. Music was nice, but films should have stuff happening from time to time and the intervals were way too large in this one. The vampire's teeth were funny, they looked like Nosferatu's teeth in the 1922 film. Some well known actors (Christopher Plummer and Donald Pleasance), but they can't save this film either. I don't think I'm ever gonna watch it again.

Retardead - movie starts out with some fake trailers. They are spoofing the genre nicely and I thought they were funny. After that (there are three and they take up quite some time) the movie starts. It is what you epect, but then a little better at that. It is: low budget, B-movie, first time actors, bad actors, bad jokes. But is also: funny at times (yes, really!), gory and thanks to the fake trailers, versatile. I enjoyed it, as it was so much over the top. The filmmakers never take themselves seriously, which is saving this film from being another totally misplaced product of which the only positive reviews on imdb come from the crew. Recommended, especially if you're in for some B-movie laughs.

The Prowler - 1945 WWII just ended. Many soldiers return home, most happy, some not so happy. One of them walks around and kills a couple making out in the garden at their graduation dance. Thirty years later, the graduation dance is reinstated after having been suspended because of the tragic events happening in 1945. But, not only the dance is back... I had been wanting to see this one, mostly because I liked the cover and the atmosphere it was breathing. My hunch was right, I enjoyed this one a lot. Like most times, atmosphere (and music) was decisive in my enjoyment. Also, I didn't guess the killer right! Recommended!

Women's Camp 119 - a nazisploitation by Bruno Mattei. It's a pretty good one, there is some torture in it, some sex of course, there are various minorities trapped together in the same camp, making sure it is historically inaccurate. I particularly liked the dinnerscene, in which we can see all nazis eating together, making the same gestures en groupe, like brainwashed people, nice. Totalitarianism all the way. There were different languages in the film, some dubbed. I was surprised to hear a guy talk Dutch even. The ending is not so classic, and impressed me a bit. Recommended for fans of the genre. If you have never seen a film like this, this one is a good one to start with. One big downside is that I'm all out of nazisploitations now, I have seen them all.

Red River - boring film with annoying characters. The killer has no speaking chords, so he uses a little machine which he pushes againt his throat to talk like a robot. Nice gimmick for one scene, very annoying throughout an entire film. His monster is also very much cliche, especially when it escapes the chain on the climactic scene, yawn. The people who get killed, well, I couldn't care less. Where I was feeling for the woman in Women's Camp 119 who had been a adnacer and now would be crippled for the rest of her life, I was just timing the seconds to see which teenager would die next in this one. One plus: great gore. But that's it. Avoid.

Hardware - great scifi about some junk which gets reanimated and then turns into a killing machine with poisonous needles from which even the Terminator would run. Good acting, some nice gore and almost constant tension or action makes this a fun ride. The major drawback is the fact that this monster doesn't return once, or twice, but keeps coming back at a rate which starts to annoy after a while. Luckily, the movie ends soon enough to not spoil it entirely. It would have been an even better movie without this race of encores. Recommended.

Ninja Killer - action flick with lots of kicking Asians and Cüneyt Arkin, my favourite Turkish moviestar. Storyline is almost non-existent, it all evolves around lots of fighting. There is something with international crime linking Hong Kong to Istanbul. There, you have your excuse to mix Chinese guys with Arkin. The dubbing was funny. Recommended for bad moviefans only.

One Dark Night - title is misleading, as the one dark night only covers the last 30 minutes of the movie and although they are the most interesting ones, they don't comprise the majority of the film. The part in which they workmtowards the night is a bit too long and boring. I was even wondering if I had been right to file this under "Zombieflicks". But yes, in the last 30 minutes all starts to roll. A guirl wants to become a member of a sisterhood and thus is she initiated by spending a night in a mausoleum. There is something fishy about one of the graves and after a while, all dead start walking. There is some sort of head zombie, and he needs to be stopped. His daughter comes to the mausoleum to try her best. Nice flick, the ending makes up for a lot, but still I think they should have shortened the first part, which is too long (one hour). Mildly recommended, because the zombires are cool.