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PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2019 7:02 pm  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 1:45 am  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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TaKYoN wrote:
Haven't been here for years, can't believe some of you are still here. Any other old members still around?

Hey Tak! How ya doin'?

Me I'm still teaching history and watching movies, the latter just not as regular as I used to. I'm a bit behind on reviews, so here goes:

Mayhem - Glenn from The Walking Dead plays a career guy who wants to climb the ladder in his company, only to find out that he is becoming a worse and worse person. A virus has broken out, and it makes people superaggressive. One of the infected killed a bunch of people but in court he was declared unaccountable because of the disease. So when the virus hits the company building, the guy sees his chance to set things straight among the corporate dinosaurs. Funny and pretty gory film, because of the infection I had it filed under /zombies, but this is not a zombiefilm at all. It's more a very bloody comedy which you will like that extra bit if you are also fed up with too rich people just treating normal persons lke pawns on a chessboard, ruining lives left and right. I had good fun watching this, recommended.

Passi di morte perduti nel buio - aka Death Steps in the Dark. Classic giallo by Maurizio Pradeaux, of whom I didn't see any movie yet to my knowledge. It starts out as a rip-off of Murder on the Orient Express, with a woman being sliced in a train. Then the police investigation starts and the prime suspect, a photographer who keeps saying he didn't do it, starts his own investigation on the side to find the killer so he doesn't get arrested for the murder himself. In the meantime, the killer is being blackmailed because a pair of gloves was dropped in the train and someone is trying to extort the killer with it. This leads to more deaths so the police, and the photographer both get in a hurry. Nice giallo, with a classic killer with gloves, a hat, a long coat and a razorblade. The Swedish girlfriend of the photographer is an annoying character though, she must be the comic relief or something, but she is so superdumb that it's a mircale she knows how to breathe. Agonising to watch, but apart from that this is a nice film, I'm gonna check out his other giallos and hope they are without "comic frelief" Recommended for giallo /Italo fans.

The Gate II - I hadn't seen The Gate in a long while, so I didn't remember much of it. This one is a late 80s early 90s sequel, which has all the ingredients of a cheesy 80s teen horror movie, with some Charles Band-like demon puppetry. Story is simple, sfx are laughable and the characters are onedimensional. It wasn't superinteresting, but I still had fun because it was screaming 80s B-horror so hard. There is actually not a lot to tell about this film, except that it is pretty predictable and it has a supercheesy ending which kind of ruined the plot for me. Might be fun in a back to back session with The Gate, a bunch of friends, lots of beer and some other good stuff.

Elfie Hopkins - a teen drama about a girl wanting to leave the boring village she lives in but she can't because she is trying to handle the death of her mother, who died a few years back. She is friends with a tech nerd Dylan Parker who would like to go to university but is being held back by personal interests. Elfie and Dylan waste their time doing little investigations about the lives of their fellow villagers. One day they get new neighbours, the Gammons, and they seem a bit weird, but after the housewarming Elfie and Dylan conclude they are nice people. Because strange things start to happen, they begin an investigation on the Gammons anyway and they find out more than is good for them. Nice plot, it's kind of obvious there is something going on with that family, but it takes quite a while until it is revealed. I was quite close with my prediction and the charcaters play it out in a pretty cool way. The final half hour is the most interesting part of the film, the build up to it is actually taking a bit too long, and the final showdown is over pretty fast. But because the acting is OK, the setting is nice and there is some nice gore that is not extremely problematic. Since I have see so much rubbish from the UK in the past year, this was a nice change of pace.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2019 10:02 pm  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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Some wholesome family xmas movies there :D

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 12:21 am  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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Actually I'm out of Xmas horror movies, I watched all 12 of them. So just regular horror and scifi this year, I guess.

The Landlord - a movie which resembles the Troma style a lot, and it has a lot going on within it's timeframe. It's about Tyler, a guy renting out apartments, welcoming new tenants almost every other day. Why? Because the demons in the apartment keep killing off the new inhabitants. These demons, adorned with cheap masks and clay/paint are making Tyler's life miserable, because he has to clean up all the time and keep out of the hands of the police. His sister in the meantime, is a cop who is having an affair with her partner, with whom she also made a deal with other demons: they can kill and eat degenerates and the cops will get the valuables they leave behind. This has little/nothing to do with the plot about the apartment, but it's fun: in the main plot there is actually a nice twist/reveal near the end which was quite good (I guessed it, but still: nice move). The gore is cheap, the kills plenty and the ending is OKish. If you like Troma, you will enjoy this, if not, pls consider this is not a very high budget production. I had fun, that's for sure.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2019 11:07 pm  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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Sssssss - remember The A-Team? Remember that guy "Face", who was always scoring the cutest girls (or as cute as they came in the 80s)? Always felt something vengeful towards him? Then this is the film to watch! This will take away all your traumas of Face showing up in your nightmares stealing your girlfriend! The story is like this: a scientist specialized in snake's venom visits a university where he meets David (Dirk Benedict, aka "Face"), who becomes his lab assistant. In the lab the doctor inoculates David, to make him immune to snakebites, at least, that's what he says. In reality, this is all a cunning plan to make a snakeman, a snake with the brains of a man! All this because of course the humans are destroying the planet and the coldblooded animals will take over. Sure. The doctor loses it and David too, because he is actually in love with the doctor's daughter (see, there is Face again!) but alas, he gets inoculated a little too often. In between there is a snkaeshow with the doctor grabbing a King Cobra, and a visit to a carnival where there already is a snakeman, so David knows what's in store for him. Effects are simple, the changes to Davids body are below par, but at least you get to see them. The film is also a bit long, could have done with 20-30 minutes less. Nothing really shocking, no actual scares, a minimum of gore because all the kills are made by snakebites. So you might wanna skip this one, unless of course you have a trauma like described above. Speaking of which: I realize I wrote the beginning of this review a little too well, but don't worry, I'm not a traumacase myself ;)

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2019 6:31 pm  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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The Dweller - the second film on the "Sleazy Slashers" box. This film, a little over one hour long, is a film full of nothing. The story is about three bankrobbers making their escape, they end up in the woods where their car breaks down so they hide in a vacant cabin. Ther are several random characters who get watched by some invisible monster. When this "monster" appears, jittery white lines go across the screen to indicate the monster's presence. It doesn't get any lamer than that in low buidget cinema, I'd say. Two of the bankrobbers are brothers, so conveniently they can be played by the Polonia brothers, the creators of this piece of sh*t. The monster's view is pink, there are some characters who do get viewed but not killed by the monster, one character is purely in the film because she has big boobs, as her character doesn't add to the plot at all, not even in the slightest way. Very low budget crap, so you have to prepare your mind for this vast hole of emptiness and then you might survive watching this.

Had some friends over the other day for a filmnight, we watched three films:

Eternal Evil - a film about the phenomenon of astral projection. The sleeve of this DVD is misleading to say the least: it has several thjigns wrong about the film. The film is in reality 85, not 97 minutes as it says on the sleeve, and it's from 1985 not 1977. Funny thing is we all got a huge 80s vibe while watching it, so that made us look it up and thus we found out about the wrong info on the sleeve. The story is about a director of comercials who used to make films but can't do that anymore. He has a friend, played by Karen Black, and she teaches him about astral projection. He is fascinated by the subject, and also enthusiastic about the feeling of an out-of-body experience. After he has walked out on his shrink, the next day he finds out that the shrink died a gruesome death. Shortly after, his father-in-law meets a similar fate. The police, triying to connect the dots, ends up suspecting him. The film is more a thriller with some supernatural aspects than a horrormovie, the gore is at a minimum. Actually it was not so superbad, I mean, I have seen way worse. The ending was quite cool even. I wouldn't really recommend it, because it is'nt very good or surprisjng or anything like that, but it was an OK watch and as long as you don't expect lots of gore, monsters or anything you'll be good.

Blood Red Planet - another Polonia brothers film, this time in space. On a low budget spaceship, the Omega 1, a crew is trying to find out what happened to the crew of a spaceship that went to Mars before them. They communicate with a base on earth, there is also a base on Mars, which looks suspiciously like a shoebox with ornaments. When this crew doesn't return, the Omega 2, which looks suspiciously like the Omega 1, is sent to search for this crew. The spaceship has a computer, KAL, which can answer all questions, but is in reality a slide projector. The guns are made of toy telescopes and empty cleaning agent bottles, they also have "tanks" which are drinking bottles upside down strapped to the back of the person carryig the weapon. Most of the time you see the crewmembers in a superclose close up shot, so you don't get to see much of the "spaceship" they are in. The monsters in this film are on one hand a cleaning glove with clay on it and on the other hand a sockpuppet which looks superb. That one is so supercool that you almost forget about how boring the scenes inside the spaceship are. The effects are supercheap, the cast has some familiar faces if you hve seen other Polonia films, and you can have some great laughs with this one. Highly recommended for bad moviefans!

The Laughing Dead - some god from Mexico demands child sacrifices, so from time to time it's earthly inions kidnap, or buy children from villages in the surroundings in order to keep the god happy. A priest from the US, who knocked up a nun in the past, is leading a group of tourists to Mexico, to see some archaeological diggings. In the group are some dandy guys, some new age college kids and coincidentally also the (now ex-)nun with her son Ivan. Upon arrival in Mexico, they end up in a hotel Todos Santos, aptly named becasue it's also the All Saints / All Souls festival. The rpeiest gets called to perofrm an exocism, but instead he gets possessed by an ancient god who switches hearts with him (just like that, she grabs his and puts her own ripped out heart inside his body). When Ivan gets kidnapped for a scarifice, he must fight the gods in order to save his sona dn stay alive at the same time. The endfight is great: it has ancient Mexican customs, a ballgame, dinosaur-like creatures and zombies. In this film they don't care much for any accuracy when it comes to indigenous beliefs of Mexico: Aztec, Maya and Inca stuff gets mixed up and the indigenous ballgame is just played like regular basketball, ouch. If you don't know anything about Meso-American culture this will not bother you very much I suppose, and then you can have lots of fun with this film, especially with the final scenes. Recommended for bad moviefans.

After my friends left, I watched one more:

Backwoods - the third film from the "Sleazy Slashers" box I watched. Another fine example of how you can fill lots of celluloid without ever making a film. This crap is about a redneck woman getting knoced up and giving birth to a giant baby, called Luther. One day the woman is hit by a truck full of collegekids who are out for some camping in the woods. Luther gets mad and starts killing everyone, not just the kids in the truck, but also other people who just happen to be in the surroundings. Both the woman and Luther are played by men, and Luther dresses up as his mother while he is doing the killing. Add some gore and some random shots of a guy with his penis between his legs so it seems like he doesn't have one (they call it the "Mangina") and the you have this product. In order to keep some of your sanity I advise you to watch this either with friends, or with a substabtial amount of booze/other funny stuff in your body.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 12:47 am  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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The Dinosaur Chronicles - like Blood Red Planet, this flm is on the "Galaxy of Terror" box, and like the "Sleazy Slasher" box, it contains Polonia brothers films. I found out that it's healthy to not watch more than two Polonia brothers films on consecutive days. This film contains some stock footage from stop motion dinosaurs, and the fragments are shown more than once, one even three times. The story is about two brothers (again) who go on a cruise with a friend who just won a lottery and now is a millionaire. The ship ends up in a storm and they get blown overbaord ending up on an island which is inhabited by dinosaurs of various kinds: the pterodactyl is attached to a kite, which is visible in at least one shot. The Tyrannosaurus is in stock footage, jut like the Allosaurus. The Triceratops is both in stock footage and in a handpuppet version, and at least in two different shots you can see the hand directing the handpuppet. The three guys end up near a river, which looks suspiciously like the river rom The Dweller, so they went from the Caribbean to the border of Canada in the NW of the US in one go, cool. After runnig around for a while, they jump into a swimming pool and end up on the boat again. Only for bad moviefans and beware, take only a few of these movies in a week or your brain might die off.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:49 pm  Post subject: Re: The Movies You Watched Today Topic!
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Dreamaniac - seeing the cover I expected a slasher, but reading the backside it looked more like a spirit killing people, so the killer was a ghost or a demon in human form. In the opening credits I saw it was a David DeCOteau film and I wouldn't have imagined being relieved to see that one day, but after the Polonia brothers DeCoteau is Oscar worthy for sure. In a heavy 80s vibe, Adam is doing some sort of conjuring and Lily, a foxy lady, shows up seducing him. She also crashes the party when Adam's sister is throwing one for her sorority, and one by one the guys and girls who attend the party meet a bloody demise. Standing up to this force of evil is Adam's girlfriend, will she be able to save the day or will everyone succumb to the powers of Lily? Acting is so so, gore is OK and the ending is a big letdown, it's so stupid that you don't know whether to laugh or cry. Fortunately, the kills and the music make up for this stupidity, and overall this is quite an OK low budget 80s horrorflick. For bad moviefans: watch for the shadow of the guy filming the scene ;)

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