Are they? Are they really John???

I'll have you know that i lost my entire family in a bizzare apple eating accident!

I think you had better take that statement back Mr Doe, and i suggest you think before you speak in future.

The sight of Mother taking her final breath chewing on a Cox haunts me to this day.

seriously? what part of you eccessivly gifted artistic endeavours got discovered?

eh... you got it taped? try sending it in to some 'funniest home videos' show. $$$ for 1st prize'll make you love apples again. =)

No amount of $$$ can placate the pain i feel inside.

Mmmmmm.......I'm fairly sure that the sight of my mother chewing on cox would haunt me aswell, whether it was with her last breath or not! :-o

why hello, you two new people, i have never met before. welcome to my thread. the official monkeysmasher thread, though the heading title does change on occasion. most people dont know this, but i actually came with the forum, i'm a feature. or possibley some sort of virus, but dont tell spud about this thread, i dont think he knows it exists, we've been using it to send encoded communications to the rebelion. that;s riight, we must confound the jerry's at every turn if we are to win this war.

as for this apple-ness debacle,
well, normally i would suggest you resolve this with the standard duel with chainsaws/blasting star trek 'arena music' du du duuu dum dum du dada da daaaaaaaaa, but i think this goes beyond a mere fight to the death.

scientifically apples, often refered to as treeclitoris in modern textbooks, are one of the most mysterious, and often quite deadly, of the meat based fruits.over 42,000 known fatalities due to apples or apple related incidends happen each year, and there is suspected many more that go unreported, due to the recent 'fad' among young adults, of inserting apples rectally, slang term called 'spudsitting'.
i would go on, but the acid has really kicked in now, and gumby is on, so you guys go ahead and fight to the death, or get married. it's about the same thing.

monkey has left the building.
.......and is leaving reality,
.............goodbye lucidity, hello tracers and christmass tree lights.
ahem, GUMBY HO!!!!!

what is this 200+++ post about??? life? sex? b33r? womans? who knows...its sure the biggest here... the post that never die and are bigger than the bible... it will travel true cyberspace like an ominous black hole sucking dry its corner of the cyberspace universe.... If you thought Mickey Mouse was weird... then you havent seen the 100 guys that actually try to read all the replys in this thread

Hi there Mr Smasher, pleased to make your acqaintance. Sorry to have invaded the Official Monkeysmasher Thread (TM), but i had to point out to Mr Doe how the power of words shouldn't be taken for granted, and how one careless comment can cause so much misery and hardship for others.

In a twisted, selfish, kind of way it helps to know that a further 42,000 lost their lives to "treeclits" that year. I just feel so guilty, as i warned my family that "meat based fruits" were not the way to go. It's such a shame, because little Jessica kept saying "i want whelks instead!", but of course, parental dominance won the day, and Mum and Dad had their way. Poor, poor sweet little Jessica.

Still, they say it's better to have loved and lost, than it is to live in France. So i shall console myself with that.

.....and Mr Doe, I'm on bended knee with a chainsaw in hand. Waiting......

du du duuu dum dum du dada da daaaaaaaaa!!!

(It's becoming a warzone d0c!)

that's the Rocky theme right?

Similar, but slightly different phrasing. Mr Balboa's choon goes:

du du duuu, dum dum du da daaaaaaaaa

Whereas Mr Kirk's goes:

du du duuu, dum dum du dada, da daaaaaaaaa

You can have Mr Balboa's if you prefer, but either way, you're going down Mr Doe, you're going down!

For the honour of Mum, Dad, and little Jessica! I shall prevail, for i have righteousness (and a touch of mange) on my side.

hmm,
i deleted this thread on about four occasions, my 'monkeysmasher funtimehappy fuckjamboree spectacularrip-a-thon 2001' (err, i think that was the original one, on the old forum board when i was mod on vhs/low quality, i believe it hit around 400 posts in 3 months, around 140 post were on what a corndog was.appearently non americans dont know of this voracious beasts, these batter dipped sausages of death and destruction, dipped in ketchup and served on a stick.



well met eagle eater, good sir, and i truley is a pleasure to have you visit this little cesspool that is my mind, whether i am actually typing this into a computer from my so called office, or am curently heavely restrained(both chemically and physically) and this is a complete fabrication of my overenlarged hypocampus, hypothalomus, or the drill bit i just bore thru my temporal lobe.
now my daily bit of inspired inspiration, to help ease the suffering of those around me, to show that, yes, laughing at other's pain does make oneself feel better.
-ahem-
yes, as i arrived at the so called 'dentist' and hoped aboard the dental chair, he said, after a brief examination of my teethage,
'well, monkey we have some good news, and we have some bad news.'

To That, i replied,'well, what is the good news?'
(figuring i could obtain said 'good news' then perhaps escape with it thru an opened window, perhaps using the rather delighful looking dental hygentist assistant/nurse as a human shield, or at least a landing buffer).

and the dentist said,
'well, the good news is your going to need a root canal'.

normaly, i am all for good news, the gooder, the better. but this, by far was not the best bit of good news i have heard.
Understandablee curious,
i dared ask, in a most dignified way, still a little aprehensive about the response, 'what the hell is the bad news then?'

'We have to go in thru your ass.'

an analenteral rootcanal didnt exactly seem physically possible, but i am, to my knowledge, not a liscenced doctor of the dental services in any country, well, maybe in france.

and wouldnt you know? it worked out fabulously. my teeth have never felt whiter,stronger, there was absolutely no pain as i bit that sick motherfucker in the throat and beat the royal shit out of him, stampings his buttloving face with the heal of my boot untill he looked surprisingly like a cherry pie, sans crust, of course, though he tasted more like those little cocktail weenies, undercooked, of course, and the new salves and ointments i bought with his credit cards really make my ass feel much much better, or at least number.

so, if your ever feeling down, having a bad day because a err, bundle?grove?basket? of apples stalked and massacred your whole family, just remember at least you didnt have a dentist drill your teeth via your anus. now i got to grab that dental hygenist i got tied up in my trunk for some good old fashion heterosexual sodomy.


on a more serious note,
eagle eater and john doe, you too seem like you would get along, you both seem quite literate in your posting and subject mater. still, if you to do have a bloodbruising backcraking methinduce deathbrawl to the death, do it on a web cam, man that would be sweet.

on a nother serious note,
any eskimos that are members here?

This whole thread makes my head spin LOL Mind you, you could never find a more twisted and surreal thread anywhere else LOL

@moneky, hehe i am a doctor and i can say this.... are you sure u was visiting the dentis or not the blue leather gay bar? but anyway good read it was

Thank you for your kind welcome Mr Monkeyman.

That was a cool story about the dentist, although the thought of slaves rubbing ointment in your arse is slightly disconcerting in it's nature. I'd have been inclined to save my pennies/cents and go solo on that one!

Anyway, i have taken your last comment on board, and made an attempt at a truce with Mr Doe on another thread in this forum. I hope this pleases you. So kiddies, it looks like all bets are off!

There's only one thing that bothers me now............


I truly shudder to think what could be coming next!!! :-o

ah, i just wonder about eskimo's a lot. knew two of them, that were brothers. ah, not as in black, but as in same family. i just had an igloo question, and i figured eskimo would know, but i figured it out.

so the fight to the death thing, that not happening? whole thing out of the question? cant convince you otherwise? oh, well, if the whole fight to the death train has left the station.....

speaking of doctors, i was at the regular doctor the other day, and he says' gotta take your tempurature'
so i open my mouth, and he says 'think again.'
ah,
so he's taking my temperature, rectally,
and i'm like
'hey doc, why are your hands on my shoulders?'
-rimshot-

and that's the last time i take a physical at the bus station.

hxxp://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclown/monkeypages/lovepedium/Lovepedium-1.htm
(xx to tt)
no interest? it's about 25 mb with just books/letters/essays/poetry/co-written/graphic novel
and i'd say approx 350 mb with the audiobooks.
i just basically collected all the crap, thru a frontend around them, into one nice tight little package, more or less.

i'm trying to fix that manmademan dealie i got, 12 minutes is my goal. hehe, im making that little avi actually watchable.

Elementary, my dear Monkey.

Watch him go!.........it's like Magnum P. I. on acid!

shake it like a Poloroid Picture

hehe, im not gay, nor are those stories true. everything i say is a lie, even this. i got nothing against gay people, complete apathy towards almost anybody, they are fine by me, i dont care what anybody does, as long as i dont have to participate,appreciate,understand, or even acknowledge, them doing, or not doing, it. society would really be a much nicer place if everyone just minded thier own business and left everyone else the hell alone, or at the very least me. hell, if someone disagrees with same sex marriages, they can at least take comfort in that more then likely the two same sex partner's arent going to have a child of thier own/by themselves, without some kind of donor/previous marriage/adoption, shitload of fancy science equipment, or the very least some sort of toiletseat miracle(TM), so the 'bad blood/badgenes/evilspirits' would end without offspring. if another person makes someone happy, people should mind thier own business, though i would have to admit if i saw a guy say, married to a girraffe, i would ask some questions. not to be rude, by any means, just kind of For Science type questions, purely out of my lowest common denominator base interest in oddities(though if human/girrafe marriages were more common, they wouldnt be an oddity, so i probably wouldnt ask). not really any sex questions, but more basic living things, like who leads at dancing, favorite restaurants, and how to explain to people, or explain to thier parents why they married a girrafe. And how would the romance have started in the first place? Chance encounter, locking eyes over the habitat enclosure? Caught her eye on the african wilderness, wanted to hook up after the lions were done eating that antelope. probably some mail order bride thing, im sure. It would have to be. Maybe i'd be a little bit upset if a girraffe married an aligator, but that's just common sense, nothing zooaphobically racial. an alligator is an amphibious carnivore, filled with lactic acid, and prone to long, long periods of innactivity only to explode into violence at the merest gazelle getting too near, while a girraffe is more of a happy heard animal, and i believe completely herbivore(though dating an alligator, or any carnivore, they may go omni), i would just fear for the girraffe's safety....and i mean, now, how many of you suddenly [i]can not stop[\i] thinking about how a girraffe and an alligator would have sex? i mean, it just wouldnt work people, not without some help, or a ladder or such device.maybe i'll make up some diagrams, i'll put them on my website. though an alligator/girrafe offspring with like 5ft tall legs and a 10ft neck, running thru the forest. now, that my friends is a killer. no steve irwin climbing up a tree from that bad boy. krikey, my ass, it's pythonlike head slipping in thru your 2nd story window, 'oh, a dingo stole my baby!', not this time, lady. 'a giraffigator just ate my husband'. hell, a herd/pack/flock of them.....swallowing up packs of lions, eating elephants, let loose in a crouded shopping center....... i wish i had a zoo.

see, if i was god, the world would be a lot more interesting, but you all would probably have to run a lot faster.

yeah yeah.. now this is my 1220 post good reading as usually the crazy rambling from monkey boy, keep it up mate

ah, things may actually be looking up for the monkey.
i got paid for some work i did, quite an adequate amount, more money than i would normaly get in 2 months.
now i'm waiting for the part where god smotes my ass back down, as any good luck i get is almost instantly followed by some sicktwisted bad luck.

if not, i will actully finish manmademan.