I was just wondering what kind of mix of professions people had here? Maybe list your 'official' job title and what you actually do. (ie. food technician = flipping burgers ) And if no one understands wtf you do or your embarressed, what's your usual line in reply?

I guess I can go first (and maybe the only one ):

Official Job Title: Build and Deployment Engineer

More Accurate Title: The guy who compiles and tells developers how to compile big pieces of software, makes sure everything works in every environment, bugfixes coding issues, diagnoses buildtime and deployment errors and writes scripts so the build is more simple and repeatable without spending hours friggin around with things.

WTF?: Essentially there's several bits to this 'role'; the main gist is you liase with the developers and make sure their builds work and there software deploys; your in charge of making any build that will go to either to a live, benchmarking or test area environment. You diagnose problems with the code and/or build, your incharge of building domains (software) that you have to put software into (usually following an extremely poorly written requirements specification) although not the maintainance of the domains once the works been completed. Essentially you write a lot of ant and shell scripts to make sure the code can go into a specific area, and that this task is easily repeatable based upon the scripts you've written. You also have to QA code at a basic level to make sure its buildable and its going to work in a test area. A new area that I'm in putting into place is the continous integration of software builds, which is essentially just delivering QA on a more regular basis.

So you tell people you do when they ask:

• "Its complicated"
• "I make the impossible, possible"
• "Too much"
• "By day or by night?"

Official Job Title:
Inside Sales Representative

More Accurate Title:
Work directly under a VP for a large global supplier of motion products and assist our distribution partners with opportunities and sales.

WTF?:
Yeah, that's what I say everyday at work.

So you tell people you do when they ask:
-You don't really want to know.
-Whatever makes me happy.

motion products? cars? that more accurate job title sounds like management speak

So what, you buy sell things, big things... cars?

The things that make things move in manufacturing environments. The motors, the drives, the controls, the mechanical parts. Pretty much everything from A-Z. We don't make the products... we make the things that make the products. So we wouldn't make the cars, we would make the parts of the machines that make the cars. In other words, you have never heard of us and we don't exist.

I knew a guy that did your job for a while, made sprockets and shit they'd sell onto manufacturers. But he also went on to work in making sure that xyz sprocket would work with abc cog and rst motor. He made it sound mind numbingly boring though, he ended up working in the university i went to.

Yeah, mind numbingly boring is right, so I try to pick certain aspects of the job to focus on. If you can't find something fulfilling in what you do, then you need to get out.

ah... internet porn!

ahhaha, I wish... thanks to our super IT department not only is almost every "interesting" site blocked, but so is content... regardless of site.

Official Job Title: Communication Designer (Finishing Degree) and Illustrater/Comics Penciller/Inker

More Accurate Title:
The kind of people who make layouts og magazines, newspapers, posters, webpages, resuming everything that has typography and/or images. Also a fantasy art illustrator and concept artist, developing visual ideas of gears, characters, weapons, and not much of environments, cause I still kind of suck at it. Penciling and inking comics is what I do most, alhough I sometimes write them too.

WTF?:
...is this? Only shit is coming through my pencils!!!!

So you tell people you do when they ask:
"You suck?"
"You do not suck?"
"Can you make that boring part (inking) on my comics/illustration?"

Official Job Title:
Quality Controle Warehousing

More Accurate Title:
The guy who checks incoming/outgoing products/shipments...

WTF?:
...for a suplier in accessories for mobile computing

So you tell people you do when they ask:
fuck off and die


*Not really an exciting job, but it pays well and I'm having a laugh with my collegues...I'm also a freelance roadie (guitar-/drum-tech)

interesting, what software do you use for laying out magazines? Or do you design them on paper and then someone makes them?

Official Job Title:
Welder/Fabricator

More Accurate Title:
Making things from lumps of metal working from drawings

WTF?:
For various contract companies, self employed

So you tell people you do when they ask:
Whats the tolerance?
How the fuck do I make that?
How do I use the rollers?
What times ciggy break?

Inicially Quark, but in the last 2 years only Adobe InDesign, cause it's very accurate and we can manage very well the final file for printing (margins, quadricromy, colour management, type corrections (spelling and actual drawing of types). Sometimes I start planning layouts and logos (or corporative images) through pencil and pen, and work it on the final stage on Illustrator.

For Comics and illustration I'm very traditional, only using pencil and Black Ink.

Official Job Title:
Teacher in History 1st grade

More Accurate Title:
Person who stands in front of 25-30 children, tells stories, shows them pictures and movies, makes them discuss things and takes tests to see if there's any improvement. The person also counsels the children, communicates with them, their parents and other related people about them and tries to find the best spot in society for them.

WTF?:
Actually I want only one thing: that kids learn how to look at things from different angles, to interpret things and then choose the best option.

So you tell people you do when they ask:
I'm a teacher. Because then I only have to answer a fixed set of cliche questions, or I'll have a colleague to talk to (which conversation will be inevitably about teaching - also a cliche btw).

whats the 1st grade, is that what the kids in south park were in (i think they are in 4th grade now )? ~6?

Hehe, no. 1st grade means you are 'educated enough' to teach all (5 or 6, depending on the educational level of the school) classes. When you're 2nd grade, you can only teach classes 1-3.

After 4 years of usual teacher's education, you're 2nd grade. You have to do another few years to become 1st grade.

Another way is to study at the university and then do a 1-year course postdoc teacher's education. Then you're 1st grade.

I just realized that "grade" sounds like "class" and the other way around too, when I compare English and Dutch.

ah, 1st grade history teacher makes you sound like you teach young children only.

There aren't "grades" in the uk, its an american thing. You hear it in simpsons, south park ,etc.

I assumed you taught history to little children, but then i thought they only had one teacher up until high school when they split up for classes... i figured the netherlands was some fucked up system where they snatch children from their cradles and then intensively teach them for 18 years

Sometimes I think that would be best. Then at least you know some will come out right...

they'd all come out looking and thinking like Tony Blair:


Not good.