Poopypantz Gazette
Tuesday, December 21, 2004.

MPAA to Movie Lovers..."You Should Have More Money"...

In a questionable move today, PR officer for the MPAA Howie Cums addressed a comment to movie lovers everywhere "You need to have money".

"We want our customers to have money" said Cums. "No company ever made money off poor people. That's why there aren't any products advertised to the poor. Those deadbeats can't even afford a TV to watch our great movies on."

When asked why the MPAA was undergoing a publicity campaign, as well as legal action, against freedom of choice and speech, Cums said "Well, we don't care about freedoms. We want money. We aren't the Freedom Fighters of America. We are concerned with our wallets."

When shown that the MPAA had record Christmas Movie profits as recently as 2003, Cums said "It's not enough. We want more. It's not a matter of how many jet ski's we can buy, or how many lobster salads we can consume. It's a matter of further extending the financial stranglehold that the top 5% have on this country. If this theft is allowed to continue, we might lose as much as 5% of our business. Some might call it Corporate Greed, but we call it Profit Enhancement."

When told that Independant Filmmakers often use P2P networks to gain publicity, Cums laughed, and stated "Screw them. They suck" At which point he made the finger through the thumb and forefinger motion, and laughed again.

To the assertion that campaigns such as this one almost notoriously fail, Cums furrowed his brow and said "We cannot fail. We are infallible. We...are...gods."

In later comments, The MPAA further acknowledged their companies policy of making the rich richer, and their Corporate Slogan "We Are Gods". "We decide what you watch" said MPAA representative Mercedes Benz. "We rule your entire life by ruling your entertainment and news. You have no choice but to obey. Resistance is futile."

My brother has brought such shame on the family.

That'd be your gender-bending brother then, DJ?

NB No offence intended to DJ or anyone else, just that Mercedes is a girl's name.

hehe

this thread is very funny

hehe good one

None taken, as you're absolutely correct. The company was named after Karl Benz's daughter when they merged with Daimler in 1924.

Stupid name, even for a girl.

Wot do you expect from a Guy called "Cum" 's

all hail the MPAA
well written droopypantz

As funny as it is, its true behind the scenes, we all know it. These people scream about losing money when their profits go up every year. I have to put up with a stuntman telling me not to download movies at the beginning of EVERY film I see at the theatre because I'm taking money out of his kid's mouth and to be honest, it makes me sick. I've got the world's smallest violin playing for the whole crew. Just like the music industry. Here's a product that's marked up about 2500% of production cost, why are people illegally duplicating our shit? Do the fuckin math!!!

The internet will prevail!!! They might be rich but we're smart. And internet file sharing is not theft, its progress.

The guy is crazy man! Is he for real?

The other day i watched They Live by Carpenter and man the movie reflects his policy so well it's scary ... :-o

We all need those special glasses