If you want to make a release post, please do so in the appropriate forums. This would go into the Non-horror section.


This thread is only to review the movies you have seen, not to post links to where we can find movies.

Watched a couple of cheap TV movies yesterday:

Dark Relic - I hate CGI, so this movie only starts after 20 minutes. After that the CGI is still very much present, but it is not totally infested like the beginning. Then for the rest of the movie they try to make something out of the mess it is, with a totally unbelievable relic (a piece of wood with INRI in it, made by hammering nails sideways into the wood - like Romans used to write that way...) and a CGI demon which chases them. There are so many things wrong or very very improbable about this movie that I can't even start. The ending is very convenient, because the relic turns out to do evil stuff, they just throw it into the beasts open mouth, so they get destroyed together. How nice. Avoid this total crap like the plague.

Mongolian Death Worm - cliche upon cliche builds up in this flick which is also sadly infested with CGI. A lot of imporbabilites, but this movie at least tries to explain them. So the American presence in this remote Mongolian vilage is because they are doctors helping the local population. OK. So the worms come up because a company is drilling for oil and therefore melts the permafrost with boiling water, waking the worms from a form of stasis. OK. But there is also a secret treasure left behind by Genghis Khan and when the building is blown up in the end the coins (not deformed or blistering hot by the intense heat of course) rain down on our hero. And they lived happily ever after. Now, can I have a bucket please? Avoid this too!

Hard Ride To Hell - not so special movie about a group of youngsters running into a satanistic cult in the middle of nowhere. It has Miguel Ferrer and Katharine Isabelle to save it from total failure, and they do redeem this a little. The cult wants a special birth (guess what - they are looking for the antichrist), and one of the youngsters is pregnant, so that is kind of convenient. The title refers to the part in the second half, where the cult pursuits the youngsters on bikes, while some sort of park ranger is helping out the youngsters in their mobile home. Nothing speical, but a lot more enjoyable than the abovementioned TV movies. Recommendation is somewhere in the middle.

Dead Teenagers - low budget and you can tell from minute 1. It is an anthology movie, and the first few stories aren't so interesting. It gets better with story nr 3 and then it continues to be better than the first few, but it might be that I got used to the way of storytelling/low production values and therefore being less harsh on the later stories, not sure. Apart from the acting and the lighting/sound/camerawork (which are all quite amateuristic), the stoires themselves are promising. I looked up the director to see if this was his first film, and it asn't. He had done some episodes for similar films before. Let's hope he gets better at producing the movies, then he might become someone interesting one day. Not very good, so no recommendation. Keep an eye out or this director, though.

Spaceshift aka Waxwork II - yay, I had fun watching this one. I hadn't seen Waxwork I, but that didn't bother me too much. This film has Patrick Macnee, David Carradine and Bruce Campbell. It also has Frankenstein, monster birds, ghosts, zombies, aliens and a vampire. It is funny and it references many movies. It is fun to recognise them all. The storyline isn't so great, but I can forgive the director, as he made me laugh enough and gave me some really juicy special effects Recommended!

Whiteout (2009), or as it should be called, "Suckout". I don't even know what was worse about it, the thoroughly boring and unoriginal story or the overall fakeness of simply everything including the characters, the acting, the imagery, the CGI... Even the music seemed badly chosen and annoying. I never read the comic book it is based on, but somehow after seeing this, I have no desire to ever try to. A weak 3/10 for me. Avoid it.

(One thing about it though - Tom Skerritt sure as hell doesn't look like he's 75+ years old here.)

The Lamp - a lamp is discovered by an archaeologist and it starts to work its curse a little later (this is because of the previous keeper of the lamp was murdered). The archaeologist's daughter gets to be the new keeper o the lamp, something which isn't totally clear in the movie, I just read it on the backside of the DVD. Then a group of teenagers, among which is the new keeper, wants to spend the night in the archaeologcal museum. Some bullies elt themselves be shut in with them, but before they can become obnoxious again (they are really overdone, I'm sure there really aren't people who are THAT annoying, childish and irritating) they are graphically killed. Which brings us to the interesting part of the movie. The gore and the monster (a djinn) are greatly done! I loved it! It made up a little for the very improbable storyline and some other not so very cool things, like the new relationship of the archaeologist. If you like bad movies, watch this one.

Creep - pleasantly surprised by this film. It started out as your usual slasher in a creepy environment (the sewage system combined with subway tunnels), but soon it begins to stand out. The acting is good, the atmosphere is great, it actually feels creepy and I enjoyed it a lot when for instance the main character is waiting for a train, you can feel her boredom. The 8 minutes she has to wait really feel like a long and boring time. Well done, director. The explanation about the creep is not sufficient imo, it is kept too vague. The killings are nicely done and when they are offscreen it is not annoying, but it heightens the tension. Then when the body is found... Recommended!

Happy Birthday to Me - another good slasher, with good acting, a nice atmosphere and a great storyline. The situation is confusing, you keep guessing who the killer is, it changes quite quickly. Some of the "dead ends" are quite obvious, but others are surprising and the director really lets you believe that you are right about the killer this time. But then again: wrong! A twist and the story goes on. Well done. Recommended!

Isle Of The Damned - a bad movie made bad on purpose with exaggerated dubbing and overacting. Two things can happen after 5 minutes: either you get bored, or you get into it. I didn't really get into it, but decided to go on watching. Some things are really funny, but most of the time it is kind of dull, with over the top "humor". Enjoyable in a weird way. Watch this if you like bad movies and spoofs.

Hideaway - I had seen the final minutes of this one on television before, some 8-10 years ago, and the badness was dripping off the screen so I spent the last years by finding out which film it was and where I could buy it. I bought it second hand off an eBay kind of site. I had some deja vu moments during the opening scenes of the movie, so I might have seen the beginning too, but I must have walked out on the middle part. This time I watched it all, of course. Jeff Goldblum and Alicia Silverstone are a father and daughter in a family which is traumatised by losing the other daughter in an accident. The father gets into a coma in another accident and then is brought back by a doctor. From that moment on, he is linked to a demonic serial killer who is after his daughter. They can see through each other's eyes. The father of course tries to save his daughter. The special effects are psychedelic and in the final scene (the one which I had already seen before) it is way overdone, which makes it hilarious instead of exciting or something like that. Nice movie though, a bit over the top at times. Recommended.

Blacula - atmospheric vampire movie, I liked it a lot. This was way better than Blackenstein, the blaxploitation I had watched a while ago. William Marshall plays a great vampire, I liked the background story, and like I said before, the atmosphere is great, it is that typical 70s Gothic vampire atmosphere. Some characters are nicely done, others are a bit flat, but all in all this movie is an enjoyable ride. Recommended.

I have no time for horror. The football world cup is on.

I think he is drunk.

ed2k: The.Real.Bruce.Lee.1973.DVDRip.Xvid-sy5ka.avi  [700.77 Mb] [Stats]

Eeeeh... Dude, why are you dumping links in this thread? This is just to comment on the movies you saw. I don´t even know if you saw that or not, or if you liked it or not...

It is a "Lost in Translation" thingy.


If I don't have to work early, I watch movies after the last match. Which brings me on the fact I have watched 4 movies but didn't review them yet. I'll post later!

Well, the 4 became 6. Here goes:

Uncle Sam - back from the dead slasher with a mild political message. Nicely done, storyline is OK, acting is also OK and Uncle Sam rocks ass. Effects and kills are enjoying enough, I really liked this movie. The change of heart which happens to the main kid actor is a bit 'made', but that's all. I'll rip this mother soon so you can all enjoy it. Recommended.

Hellgate: The House That Screamed 2 - wow, this was boring. Incoherent flashback stuff kind of ruins the pace of the movie. Everytime this happens, you are thinking about pressin the eject button. What were the makers of this thinking? That it would be interesting, or arty or anything? They totally missed the mark and overdo it by far. Because of this, the in potention interesting story becomes a drag, and you want this flick to end asap. It does so after 76 minutes. Phew.

Frankenfish - haha, this was almost classic! For no reason huge fish appear in a river and people get eaten. Investigators find the monster fish and together with some locals and hunters they track it down. But, there is more than one, so... Cliche upon cliche and CGI fish don't make this a good film, alas. I still enjoyed watching it, because it fulfilled so many expectations (bad sfx, totally predictable) at my end. I won't recokmend it. though. If you want good fish horror, go for Dagon. And if you want to laugh at monster fish, go for Mega Piranha.

The Brotherhood III - young demons - oh, why was it necessary to make even a third film (let alone the fact that I read about this series going up to six - yes, SIX - movies)? The first one was campy fun, the second became very boring and now this third one even tops that. Very uninteresting, very improbable (which school would NOT notice students going in every Friday night to play a game in the building, I mean, come on) and going nowhere, this DeCoteau can be shelfed immediately.

Class of 1999 2: the substitute - continuing the story from Class of 1999 (it has no link with Class of 1984), this is a kind of a clean sequel. By clean I mean that the droid is keeping things simple. I'd loved to have seen more massacres, gorier deaths and everything. Some fake explosions make up for it a little, the lovestory is idiotic, the id who really wants to kill his teacher is also a bit exaggerated. Apart from that, there is some nice action, a lot of overdone stuff and all in all this is for some mindless fun with no expectations.

Jekyll + Hyde - this really let me down. Sometimes a modern makeover of a classic can be very good, there are several examples, of which The Thing is my fav so far. This one, however, did two things for me: on the good side, it made me care a little bit about some of the characters and it felt natural, the slow scale of deterioration of J felt natural. On the downside, it was boring. Very. The story is known, so you know how it will go and they don't try to hide that. But still, there is more to be made. A letdown, avoid it.

Troll 1 (700 MB RIP).

Grotesque - mediocre slasher, where the only thing special is a deformed guy who protects his foster family from a punk gang who are out to rob/kill them. There is nothing much going on, no switch innthe storyline, acting seems a bit obligatory and all in all this is a very forgettable movie.

Blood Surf - the premise is cool: surfing between sharks for a commercial, and then being attacked by a mega crocodile. It is not very thrilling, but it is still enjoyable. The overdone surfing characters are a tad funny, some stuff is not so very predictable, ie you think person A will get dragged down but he is saved and then all of a sudden person B gets killed/eaten. The ending i somewhat adventuremovie-like, but I can forgive them for that. Nothing really special but nice after all.

Perfect Creature - again an original take on vampirism: vampires are ome sort of a religious cult and they need humans to stay alive and the other way around. A mix between scifi and victorian age-play, this is somewhat confusing at times, the story evolves around a vampire who inadvertently starts killing people, against the treaty. I liked it, the message in this film is all too clear and politically correct, but nonetheless a good one. Recommended.

Return to Horror High - making a B-movie in a school where a serial killer was running around. Very cliche, with a short appearance of George Clooney. Predictable, the storyline gets a twist which is far fetched, effects are OK. Nothing really surprising, pick some other movie if you can.

Asylum - a group of students is on an orientation week in their new university, which is housed in a building which used to be an asylum. This asylum was run by an insane doctor, who still hanuts the premises. The students are confronted with their personal traumas just before they get killed by the doctor. It is all kind of cliche, the first few killings are outright boring, there are only a few who are a bit interesting. The ending is a bit stupid, too. Nothing to recommend here, please move along.

Modern Vampires - with Casper van Dien on the cover I'm always in for a bad movie. This was better than I expected. Not a masterpiece, but more enjoyable than I thought. It doesn't only bring Casper, but also Kim Cattrall and Udo Kier. The story reminded me of Perfect Creature, which I saw the day before, only this time the killing vampire should be stopped in order to avoid discovery by humanity. A descendant from Van Helsing starts hunting own the vampires, with the help of a Crip gang, which is kind of funny. Well, I'm recommending this one, because I think you should give it a try.

Reign in Darkness - actionmovie with a horror theme. Scientists create a virus which turns people into vampires, and when one of them gets infected, he tries to fight back. Kind of amateuristic Aussie flick, with a lot of fighting, shooting en one explosion (all others are offscreen, how lowbudget can you go). Nothing special, 90 minutes can be filled better with ease. Avoid.

Die Screaming Marianne - thriller which according to the cover "will be loved by all 70s horrorfans". Well, make that "all minus one", because I wasn't so happy about this film. Maybe it is just that I expected at least some bloody murders, but there are none. I just don't understand why 70s hororfans should love this movie. Apart from the total lack of violnce and gore, this movei is pretty well made. The tension is OK and the characters are interesting. I'd like to hear the opinion of a thrillerfan on this one. Recommended for moments when you want to watch a thriller.

Zombi 3 - mixed zombies, fast ones and slow ones. They get infected by toxic waste and an entire town gets quarantined because of it. The usual clash between scientists and the military breaks loose while some forgotten heroes try to break out of the quarantine and not get infected in the meantime. This film is a slaughter. With loads of deaths and gore, I love Fulci for making movies like this. Story is so-so, but that is not hampering the film at all. Recommended.

Shrooms - I was in for a trip-movie, but you don't get to see much tripping stuff and then most of it is bad trip. Not so nice. The story about the boys school with the harsh teachers is OK, but the hanuted woods part never gets eleborated enough. Why would those ghosts kill teens? Why not kill the local hunters? In the end you get answers for these questions and although I had this hunch, I must say I was a bit surprised. Kudos. Mildly recommended, because although the twist is nice, it is not unforgettable enough.

Demon Slayer - expecting a vampiremovie (I bought this from a guy in a box marked "vampiremovies"), this turned out to be something totally different. It is more of a haunted house film, with demons hunting teenagers who have been sentenced by juvenile court to clean up a building. Of course, this is the haunted building. This storyline has a lot of inconsistencies and plotholes, let alone the stupid mistakes. A convicted juvenile criminal is usually not allowed to carry weapons, certainly not two big ass handguns. The assembly is quite cliche, with a "goth girl", a "bitch", a "brother", etc. No surprises, you can guess how this movie will go. Skip it in favour of something more original.

The Darkling - this one I really liked. The theme is great, the acting is good, I love F. Murray Abraham. I'm not much into cars, but still this was an interesting aspect of the film too. I won't spoil too much of what happens, but it is well made, with a good score and nice cinematography. Recommended, if not highly.

Mega Snake - hahaha, what were the makers of this thinking? That nobody would notice the terribly bad CGI? That the audience would believe the story about a snake doubling in size every second? The lovestory in the background is tiring, you already know how it will work out. The monster never looks convincing, some of the deaths are nice, but they can't save the movie. Forgettable and cliche. Avoid.

Vacancy - this is not a very long movie, but still it takes very long to get it going: only the last half hour is filled with action, what you get before is a lot of character build up and a few nice moments. The last half hour makes up for it a little bit, and the fact that Kate is in this one saves this movie's sorry ass. I liked the role of the cop, but killer's motive and everything was a bit meh to me. Not avoidable, but not recommended either. Just watch this when you have 80 spare minutes or if you're a fan of Kate.

House of Wax - remake with Paris Hilton, which makes sure there is at least something marketable for this film, namely her name. It is a very long movie, a lot of it could have been made shorter. Although they try to make the characters intersting, they don't succeed, so you don't care that they're gonna die. Like in most movies with a celeb in them, most acting is done by other people. Luckily, because Paris can't act, we all know that. The role of the wax in the story is great, I liked that. It is just a bit incredible that the entire building seems to be made of wax, as it melts down in the end. That was stupid. I'm in the middle on this one, too. I'd have to see the original so I can permanently praise or dump this one.