The Abandoned (2006)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475937/
5.8/10 5,980 votes



Nothing special but enjoyable nevertheless. Move along please.

Hercules and the Captive Women - this is how you make B-movies! Wonderful experience for any bad moviefan: shapeshifting monsters, logic from a madman's mind, featherweight rocks, shining muscles, Hercules has got it all. And of course there is an evil queen who wants to rule the world and now Hercules has got to stop her and in the meantime save his son and the queen's daughter (who is not so evil). The title is a bit weird, the Italian title is a lot better (Hercules conquers Atlantis). Recommended for bad moviefans.

Leprechaun 5 In The Hood - the only Leprechaun movie I hadn't seen yet. This because there isn't a rip out for it (at least, I haven't found it - edit: just found one without IVTC and very badly cropped), which will be solved soon, as I'm gonna do this one. OK, about the movie. If you know any Leprechaun movies, you know what to expect, this one is funny too and has some nice killings. From time to time it was a bit hard for me to follow the urban language, but I didn't lose track of the story or anything. Recommended!

Teenagers from Outer Space - haha, those weren't teenagers! We all know those films where 25-year olds are supposed to be 17 in a movie, well, this one really takes the cake! Even in the movie they aren't portrayed as teenagers, so why the title is like this I don't know. One of the guys from outer space has rebelled against something and now he wants to live forever on earth. Another guy is tracking him down to bring him to justice/kill him. The weapon of choice is the focus-disintegrator-ray, which turns living things into skeletons. There is also the giant shadow of a lobster portraying a monster to be experimented on. This is a bad movie too, but I must say that at least it wasn't boring me to death, like some of the other scifi crap flicks. Only for bad moviefans.

Encarnação do Demônio (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0923683/
6.1/10 622 votes



A must see for Coffin Joe fans, I laughed so hard I almost pissed my pants. Joe is really theatrical and gets it on with a lot of women to make sure his blood(line) continues.

The Lost Jungle - a very, very thin storyline is used to create the possibility of showing animals fighting together. So after some short dialogue, we get to see lions fighting with tigers and bears and this continues from the circus we started at to an island which also has a treasure (of course) and more animals. And they keep fighting. The end. Very old movie, only for a rainy afternoon with your kids.

Vlad - not so much horror in this one, the atmosphere and some supernatural stuff, no vampires. Some kind of a biopic too, as it shows a lot of Vlad's life. Of course it is romanticised and everything, and some weird plot is built around a group of students (selected from across the globe, yet two of them are brother and sister - ) among whom is a Romanian/American student who is planning on returning Vlad's necklace to his tomb. There is a secret order hunting down the necklace, but they aren't too fanatic, as you don't se that much of them during the movie. Not all too exciting, and there are better films about Eastern Europe in the Middle Ages. Pass on.

Children of the Corn 5 - again, we are promised that this part is the most exciting one! While part 4 was a real disappointment, this one at least holds something for the bad moviefan. A fire which chooses people by entering them, a short appearance of David Carradine and a young Eva Mendes (this was actually her first movie) are among those things. The story is bad and even more illogical than before. The plot is not surprising. If you are a bad moviefan, watch part 3 first, then this one.

Killers from Space - at an atomic test, a doctor flies in a jet around the cloud, in order to investigate (and yes, that is mortally dangerous). Then he suddenly wakes up after his airplane has crashed and he has a weird scar on his chest! Oh noes, what happened!?! Of course he was abducted and searched/surged by aliens, who look ridiculous btw, although they fit it nicely into the story. There is a nice bad movie sequence when the hero of the story encounters numerous animals who have been growing out of any proportion, so we get to see "giant" spiders and lizards, with a cut out figure of the hero in front of it. Only for bad moviefans.

It's Alive - all around me people are having babies, so I thought I'd slip this one in. It is very straightforward: a couple is expecting a baby, but what comes out of the mother is not quite that. When the father returns to the labor-room, it is a bloody mess with wounded and dead medical staff everywhere (best scene in the movie, btw). Then the police, scientists and the producers of some medicine whichw as taken by the woman before the birth are looking for the creature. The father helps them, because he thinks it is best for all if it dies. It is a very over the top topic, and it is treated that way too. I remember watching a horror-baby movie which was just sickening, but this one is fun. The creature is so weird that you can only laugh when you see it. A nice passtime, recommended.

King of Kong Island - scientists have developed a way in which they can control the minds of some gorillas. When a brother and sister are gonna hunt some big game, the girl gets kidnapped by the gorillas, and the hero of the story, an ex-mercenary (of whom we can see some footage at the beginning of the movie - if you thought he had died there, you were obviously wrong, but I don't blame you) is gonna rescue her. A lot of drama and relationship trouble, with from time to time the men in gorilla suits spicing it up a bit. Bad movie, but not too funny, except for the sacred monkeys of course. For bad moviefans, but even for them not a must see.

Eskalofrío (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0896927/
6.2/10 1,128 votes



Nice little mystery flick, a good one to watch with the missus/gf.



Sauna (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1124394/
6.5/10 2,238 votes



Beautifull shot movie with a nice plot development, overal a great atmosphere and highly enjoyable!



Eden Lake (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020530/
7.0/10 14,181 votes



Mweh, ok movie but nothing spectacular, the ending was a good one though.

Zontar, the Thing from Venus - listed wrongly on the back of the scifipack as "Zontar, the Thing from Mars", this is a nice classic example of 50s/60s scifi. There is an alien who enters earths atmosphere, there is a guy who believes the alien is bringing is peace and technological advance beyond our beliefs, there is a scientist who doesn't believe him and there is a secret army base. Well, in short: this is for bad moviefans. You never get to see Zontar except for a quick shot near the end of the movie. What we do get to see is a lobster with bat wings (or a mutalisk, for whoever plays Starcraft) who stings people in the back of their neck and then they become slaves of Zontar. Of course this whole movie is a red scare product too. John Agar (of Tarantula and Brain From Planet Arous-fame) stars as the sceptic scientist. Recommended for bad moviefans.

Deadtime Stories (1986): This is anthology movie. The frame story is about a father telling stories to his son, who can't sleep at night. The stories are based on famous (Grimm) stories, which the father modifies to be horrific. The first story is about witches and an enslaved kid (Hänsel & Gretel), then we have little red riding hood combined with a werewolf and finally the three bears. I liked the first two stories, but the last one was so stupid that it somehow didn't fit. Not really recommended.

The New Daughter (2009): Kevin Costner moves to a house near the woods. His daughter is beginning to behave strangely. I don't want to spoil anything. The movie is quite long paced and a bit boring. The effects are good (I am not sure if they are CGI), the acting is ok, but the story is too flat. Nothing is really explained. Why can't they make reasonable movies anymore?

Villmark (2003)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356176/
6.7/10 2,359 votes



Nice adventure movie filled with some mystery and horror to give it a 'creepy' atmosphere. The Norwegian landscape is great, the forest seems deep and mysterious, but the best part IMO is the ending. Worth a view.


Farscape S1 E1, somehow when this aired on the telly here I must have missed the premiere, so far so good and cant wait to rewatch some of the episodes I did see then.

Basket Case - yay, I really liked this one! The gore, the stop-motion monster, the storyline, it was all fun and well made. Henenlotter is weird, and he puts it into his movies as well. The ending was a tad weak, but until then the separated Siamese twins did everything right. Recommnended, if not highly.

Hercules Unchained - this time Hercules drinks from water that makes him forget everything (ancient Grece is full of surprises), so he ends up at a queen's side, not knowing who he is. Ulysses and Hercules'wife are gonna look for him and adventure breaks loose, of course. There were some funny moments in this one, not so many bad monsters, so I'd prefer Hercules and the Captive Women for now.

El espinazo del diablo (2001)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0256009/
7.6/10 16,419 votes



Another nice one, shot by Guillermo del Toro. Great atmosphere to go with the plot, although lately I have seen far to many movies that played in or around an orphanage this one was pretty entertaining. Don't expect any gore but it does have a nice story and development.

First Spaceship on Venus - meh, most of the time this ambitious scifi (actually I think the director really had high hopes of this becoming a success) you look at the crew of a spaceship arguing what is the bst decision to make while heading to Venus. Boring! The parts on the planet are good fun, the "inhabitants of Venus" are really ultra cheap. There are a lot of diferent ethnicities in this movie. The movie has German origins, so maybe we can find our reason there (after all, it was made shortly after WW2). I laughed at the feeble try to defend atomic use in the Cold War ("People aren't afraid of atomic bombs, because they know what the danger is" Bwahahahahaha!!), but then again, that is also what makes these flicks so charming. Avoid, though.

Deathwatch - a quite original idea: a group of British soldiers needs to attack German trenches, somewhere along the lines of the western front in World War I. After the attack, they are caught in a fog, and they end up meeting a few Germans, of whom they capture one. The German is very afraid, but they think nothing of it. After a while, they start to hear noises, but nobody is coming. At HQ they think the group is dead. They dig themselves in, because they are clearly not alone. Storyline is good enouygh, I thought it was quite interesting. There are some lulls in it, where the movie drag a bit, but nothing a so serious it becomes boring. But: the film is also a bit confusing. There is no explanation. The ending is very meh. So it is a bit fifty-fifty.

Skinned Deep - kudos to the writers of this one. It is quite a trick to make somebody end up in the same place over and over again throughout the same film. Apart from that, this is quite funny at times, although some jokes are quite childish. Warwick Davis is on a roll again, but he kept reminding me of Leprechaun all the time. He shouldn't rhyme in other movies. The Surgeon is really cool. I really liked the scene with the elderly people coming for revenge too. Recommended.

Mesa of Lost Women - a nice treat for bad moviefans. The storyline is weird: a scientist found a way to put a spider's personality in a human, and the other way around. This way he created a giant female spider with the intellect of a man (SBiG check 1). A colleague of his has gone mad after seeing it and now escapes the mental institute by tying his sheets together to get out of the window (SBiG check 2). He more or less kidnaps a couple who are on their way to Mexico to get married, but on their way the girl falls in love with the pilot. They have some incredible dialogue (SBiG check 3). In the end there is some sort of a showdown with the spiders, the infected humans, the scientists, the revived and not mad anymore colleague, the couple and some explosions (SBiG check 4). Recommended for bad moviefans.

Rampage http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1337057/
Wow, that was amazing, theres nothing much to tell, just read the description "a guy builds a full body armor from Kevlar and goes on a killing spree" Its like GTA alive But no so stupid. The moving, shaking camera makes it even more realistic. I think not only i would like to do something like this guy. People are not quality.
Recommended. 8/10

The Descent (2005)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0435625/
7.4/10 57,899 votes



Why the hell they inserted those predators I dont know, I found it was more 'thrilling' when it was just an expedition gone wrong. Not too bad though, good for a watch.



Cheuuat gaawn chim (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1603808/
4.6/10 96 votes



The quote is spot on, sometimes a bit hard to follow but I found it very enjoyable. Noodle soup FTW!



Book of Blood (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1169809/
5.3/10 1,726 votes



Apart from the ending I found this one very enjoyable. Fucking around with ghosts always goes wrong and off course this one aint any different. Nice story though, clive did a good job IMO.

yeah, i agree with that. when you stuck in those caves its allready fun

Albino Farm (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1050001/
3.8/10 593 votes



Filled with cliches and not really exciting but good for a few laughs, one for the bad movie lovers.

Slashers - If you have seen Running Man, this one is not so original, because the premise is exactly the same: a gameshow on TV centers around people running through a maze, being chased by killers. The only difference is that in this one the candidates do it for the money, not to get out of jail. While I thought it was an OK movie, it was sticking to the same persons for too long. For example, in the beginning, we see the most unlikely contestant giving a speech in front of the camera about how evil the show is, etc. After that she lost the rest of the group and instead of following the group, we get too see this girl crying in a corner for way too long. They do that several times, which gets annoying at some point. The ending was utter meh, and I thought the killers were out way too soon. If you can choose between this one and Running Man, pick the latter.

Rocky Jones, Space Ranger: Crash of the Moons - my wife said "this sounds like old Batman" and I replied that it was something like that indeed. And it is. Rocky Jones (the central hero of a TV series in the 50s) stars in this movie spinoff to save the populations of two moons who are at crash course into each other. There is a lot of mumbo jumbo, everyone in the entire universe of course knows and respects Rocky, there is an evil woman who only thinks of her own moon, well, it is bearable, but nothing memorable either. I have seen better, in both ways.

Darkness Falls - a nice surprise for me, this one. It is about a curse laid on a town called Darkness Falls, which makes a lady burnt at the stake in the 19th century return to kids' rooms when they loose their last babytooth. When the kids look at her, she will haunt them forever. This oen had some genuine scary moments, it has been a while that I felt any tension while watching a horror and this one made me feel chilly at times, well done. The effects are great! If they are CGI, it is the best CGI I have seen so far. The only thing which wasn't so good was that the ladyghost is afraid of light, and after a while she somehow can put lights out. It is good for the tension and all, but it is a bit far fetched too and never explained. That being my only drawback, I recommend this one to anyone.

Rocky Jones, Space Ranger: Menace from Outer Space - more of the same (see previous review of a Rocky Jones film), this time people make contact with a remote planet and some frustrated earth guy who escaped to there after having murdered his assistants now only wants to blast planet earth and therefore tries to raise suspicion towards the earth at the population of this remote planet. The evil woman is back for a short while too, and there are some criminals who want to keep the discovery of the planet for themselves. A lot of riffraff again, this is obviously made for kids. Same verdict.

Henry 2: Mask of Sanity - good sequel, after having watched a disturbing piece of cinema like Henry 1, one wonders if it can be done, making a sequel for this. Well, it can be done. It is not as good as part 1, but it comes close. Watching films like this makes me wonder howcome some people have such crap lives as depicted in these movies, it is so bleak and without any comfort. The good side of Henry didn't come forward so much in this one and therefore it is also a bit less disturbing. Still, it has these straightforward killings, like it is normal to just take someone's life because you feel like it. Recommended.