S: Tell us again why you hate Scream so much.

TS: Stupidity. My 12 year old daughter could have made that movie

S: And probably better.

S: Who do you think is the best FX guy working in film right now (with the exception of yourself, of course)?

TS: Rick Baker.

S: He is really good.

TS: Next to Dick Smith.

S: Any particular effect of his you really like?

TS: Yes.

S: The creatures, or the apes?

TS: Nutty Professor.

S: Once and for all, what caused the dead to rise in the Living Dead films?

TS: George Romero.

S: Besides George Romero?

TS: His typewriter.

S: You got me on a technicality. In From Dusk Till Dawn, everyone that turns into a vampire eventually turns into a bat, except for you. You turn into a giant rat. Why is that?

TS: I turned into a rat because Howard Berger of KNB bit me.

S: He's a rat?

TS: Must be.

S: Well, speaking of the rockstars, tell us about your upcoming role as Blackbeard.

TS: I am shooting a film this summer in St. Thomas called VAMPIRATES.

S: Tell us about Vampirates.

TS: I love you?, let's call ourselves THE SECRET SOCIETY, and meet here often.

TS: There was a guy in New York tapping on windows with video copies of Titanic.

S: For 5 bucks, right? That was me.

TS: I missed him or I would have bought one.

S: If you'll answer my last few questions, I'll get you a copy and send it to you. For real.

TS: No empty promises.

S: Yeah, I will bribe to get this done.

TS: Promise?

S: Promise, if you'll answer a few more questions.

TS: I want it

S: I'll get it next week and mail it to you. I'm dead serious.

TS: Wait, let me get this straight, you will send me a copy of Titanic, if I answer two more questions?

S: Make it four. Well, three of the four are really part of one question. So, technically, it is two.

TS: I want to know exactly when I will receive it. Fed ex will do.

S: Monday I will be in the city to go to work. There is a guy selling movies on the corner every other day. I'll get one, and mail it the same day.

TS: Wait, I am going to make a cigarette out of pipe tobacco, be right back.

S: AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! You realize, in ten minutes it will be three hours that I've been trying to get you to answer 20 questions? It's been three hours!

TS: Yeah it's like Titanic.

S: Ready Tom?

TS: All members of the SECRET SOCIETY must see TITANIC

S: Seen it. Not as many times as you.

TS: It's my daughter, lovesick for Leonardo DeCaprio. Actually, he's (Leonardo) kind of cute, really.

S: Do you want to get him in the men's room?

TS: Oh shit not again. Here we go.

S: Sorry, couldn't help myself. Tom, you realize that if you don't answer the questions, you don't get the tape.

TS: Deal. Dreaming of Titanic.

S: Uh oh. The tape is slowly being copied over by....The Ripper!

TS: Now you've done it.

S: There go the opening credits.....

TS: I am now forced onto one knee to apologize to the world for the Ripper.

S: There goes Bill Paxton. Bye Bill.

TS: Ask away, Goddammit.

S: I'll e-mail you on Monday or Tuesday at the latest when I have the tape so you can tell me where to send it. And I won't copy over it. I promise. Just remember, I can't guarantee the quality of the tape.

TS: No, no, no, no, you promised on Monday, I will deny all answers.

S: Okay, Monday. You drive a hard bargain.

TS: Monday night the SECRET SOCIETY WILL MEET TO SEE IF I HAVE THE TAPE.

S: Well, thank you for the absolutely strangest interview that I've ever even heard of.

TS: You leaving?

Me guessing he was stoned. =)