The Uwe Boll saga is fast becoming a nightmare for gamers, as it seems that his talents are limited to securing funds for gaming massacres. It seems that Mr. Boll has managed to get producers to commit USD 60 million for a movie version of the sword-and-sorcery video game Dungeon Siege.

The fact that good ol' Uwe keeps finding money to make his movies has led to the generation of a conspiracy theory centered around an anti-gaming organization bent on destroying the reputation of gaming as a harmless pass-time. Secretly funded by various secret services, the devious organization has recruited master of the half-hearted attempt, Uwe Boll to guarantee gaming's demise. Judging by his recent Alone in the Dark, his previous House of the Dead and the upcoming Far Cry, Hunter: The Reckoning Fear Effect and now Dungeon Siege movies, we are beginning to see that there is little hope. The image to your right may offer some explanation as to the results produced by Mr. Boll' moviemaking efforts.

What is even more worrying in the Dungeon Siege movie effort, is that the dark forces have recruited Jason Statham (Cellular) to star as Farmer, the hero, this is an actor who we thought did a pretty good job in The Transporter and who we would hate to see branded by the Boll curse. Ron Perlman (Hellboy) will play Norick, an old friend of Farmer's and his companion. Matthew Lillard (Without a Paddle) will also star as Duke Fallow, the nephew of King Konreid, who is played by Burt Reynolds (The Longest Yard).

John Rhys-Davies (Raiders of the Lost Ark) is Merrick the Magus, the court sorcerer. Leelee Sobieski (The Glass House) is Muriella, Merrick's daughter, and Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3 and also BloodRayne) is Elora, an enchanted tree-like creature whose support proves critical to Farmer.

If any other director was involved this cast would have raised some hope regarding the movie but just the fact that Mr. Boll claims that the movie will be similar to The Lord of the Rings and a 3 hour epic, makes all sorts of alarm bells go off in our heads.

Unfortunately it is too late to save Dungeon Siege as shooting, never before has the term been this apt, begins this weekend in Vancouver. Far Cry is also a gonner but I beg you to help stop this madness. The only way we are aware of that can fight the forces that want to destroy gaming is through the Dear Dr. Boll website but we have to admit nothing much seems to be going on there. Please let us know through the comments section if you have any ...more proactive ideas about how to thwart Uwe's dastardly plans.

Dear Dr. Boll

LOL!

There were 280 people in the test screening and only these five idiots think it's a bad movie?

"Uwe Bollocks: The Man, Who Singlehandedly Destroyed The Credibility Of Video Games Forever"

What amazes me though, is how come he keeps getting money for any new monstrosity he wants to commit?! Are some people that dumb? Or maybe (and I shiver just thinking of it) his "movies" actually do bring any profit????



What he forgot to add was that 275 of those people were the crew, his sponsors and his family and friends (if he has any). That's about as many 'non-ones' as Alone got on IMDb.