Dangerous Seductress - from the director of Lady Terminator, again a very nice and SBiG Indonesian action/fantasy/horror flick! A big breasted blonde gets raped by her husband on their anniversary. During the rape, they break through the dinnertable and when she escapes, she swears she will never see him again. She moves to Indonesia where her sister is a model. While that sister is away on a Bali fotoshoot, she accidentally reads out loud an ancient spell (I always wonder how the people who don't know how to pronounce a strange language, know when to raise their voice, and always succeed in raising the evil spirits). A witch appears from the ground and she has lighting coming out of her tits. Now the blonde gets possessed by the witch and starts killing all men who are trying to hit on her. She does provoke, by the way A really, really nice trwat again from SBiG land Indonesia. H. Tjut Djalil, I love you! Highly recommended for bad moviefans.

Maplewoods - pffft, what a letdown. When I read this was about nazi zombies, I sat down to enjoy the stupid experiments from World War II resulting in armies of zombies once more. Well, none of that. Instead I got an interview with a bearded guy who in flashback told the enire film's story. It was about an elite fighting unit (wearing white shirts, wtf? Camouflage: you're doing it wrong! ftw) encountering zombies, of which a few wore helmets (US ones, so I didn't see any nazi zombies). That's it. And then they were shooting them and running from them of course. Again, the elite fighting unit was wielding only pistols, they wore skimasks and there was this lame "plottwist" where it tunred out that "The zombies aren't the real enemies, it is man!" Oh noes! Image quality was bad, the dialogue was almost inaudible as it was so soft and the movie didn't seem to go anywhere. Bad film. Maybe for bad moviefans, but it isn't even 10% as enjoyable as Dangerous Seductress.

Earthkiller - weird scifi with a woman waking up from an artificial sleep, finding out that she is one of few survivors of a battle that has been raging on the spaceship she is on. The battle is about a supergun which is on the ship: that gun is the Earthkiller, as it can blow away our planet in one go. Some of the crew have been turned into zombies, but they are very badly made up. At one point a character calls one of them "a clown" and it is a very accurate description, better than zombie anyway. Effects are ridiculous, the cgi is very low level: when someone gets shot, the cgi blood simply appears as a stain on the camera, meh. Because of this, the entire movie felt too fake for me and I couldn't get into it. So, forget this one and go for a real good scifi instead.

Schoolgirl Killer - aka Naked... You Die! aka Nude... si muore. Antonio Margheriti, famous for films like Yor and Cannibal Apocalypse, made this giallo. It is a classic (early) giallo, with a gloved killer and the setting is copied by 80s slashers many times: a schoolgirl dormitory. One by one the victims fall, and I guessed the killer very early in the movie but I guessed wrong. I must say that in this particular case it was impossible to guess right Atmosphere is good, the music could have been a tad better imo, but overall this was one nice giallo and I'm surprised it isn't better known. Recommended.

Strippers vs Werewolves - the werewolves look like ugly men who haven't shaved in weeks, the action is meh, the effects are a bit dull and the storyline is pretty flat. But man! Hot babes! The strippers are almost all gorgeous, my favourite one being Barbara Nedeljakova (you might knoiw her from Hostel). There are also some nice vampires, of which one is played by Lucy Pinder. By now you might think that maybe showing off hot babes is the primary goal of this film. And that, they do well. Robert Englund also shows up in the final 30 minutes, but it seems like he needs the cash lately, as he takes up parts which aren't boosting his career per se. So: not a good film, but if you are in for some horror mixed with babes, go for this.

A Little Bit Zombie - oh, how hard it is to make a good comedy. This one tries too, and while it isn't all bad, it didn't have me laughing down on the floor for the full 87 minutes. Horrorcomedy has this nice property that you can make people laugh at awful things. Some of these are worked out wuite well in this film, which is about a boy getting stung by a mosquito which carried the zombie virus. Now he is turning into a zombie very slowly. His fiancée and his sister hate each other, and actually most funny jokes are about that and not about the zombie thing. I started counting at one point, because there were many jokes passing by which were unfunny, but sometimes I was laughing: I came to an estimate of one out of six jokes making me laugh. So, nice try, but again, I didn't find the ultimate horrorcomedy since Braindead.

Dragon Wasps - this one had me laughing on the floor: the storyline itself was enough. Some kind of superwasps fly around and kill people. They can change size in seconds, as they come flying into a cave as largeass wasps, and then when they're in the cave, they manage to crawl in someone's ear. The fact that they can spit fire while flying made it all the more interesting, and when Corin Nemec and his companions need to rub themselves with coca leaves in order to make the wasps stay away, they get high from that. It killed me. (For those of you who don't know, you need like a cubic meter of leaves to feel even the slightest high from coca leaves, so a few here and there is by far not enough.) If I understand it correctly, coca doesn't even grow in Belize, the country where the film is made. Near the end Corin and his friends find out that the wasps use their victims to lay their eggs in, and surpise surprise, we get some Alien-scenes with that. Hilarious! Recommended for bad moviefans.

Hehe, when you quote it like that it looks like it's the wasps who get high, not Corin and his friends

Way of the Vampire - way to make a title hollow and meaningless. There is a vampire and a guy hunting him (surprisingly he is called Van Helsing). Van Helsing is immortal until he has killed all vampire princes, so he is searching foir Sebastian, the vampire guy. He and his friends are frustrated because they have had to hide for centuries, but "Tonight we will hunt!!!" and that is such a memorable experience, that Sebastian says this twice in the movie. The second time is a bit dull, as he says it in front of Van Helsing and hois group of vampirehunters, so the question remains who is actually hunting. Of course, when he has Van Helsing down to his knees, he doesn't give him the coup de grace, but instead he is gonna make a long speech and in the meantime hit on some woman. So VH escapes and, etc, etc. Average and a bit dumb, so you can laugh at some stupidities: it might be something for bad moviefans. If you're busy however, I'd save my 80 minutes for something else.

The Bare Wench Project - soft porn spoof of, well, you might guess what. It starts out great: it has the same opening screen as BWP, but soon you find out it is not the same movie (in case you missed the title). Some BBB babes and other big breasted women are having fun in the woods, while a guy has to carry all their stuff and do the driving. The spoofing doesn't end with the opening screen, as the weird noises in the woods are made by a donkey this time, the voodoo stuff they find in the woods consists of sextoys and some of the dialogue is an almost exact copy, with some spoofy elements. Quite well done for a softporn flick. You get to see loads of tits, so if you don't know what they look like, this is a good film to find out. The ending was somewhat meh, but they had to do it, because there are 4 (!) sequels to this film. Recommended for bad moviefans.

Killer Eye Halloween Haunt - the sequel to Killer Eye and as with all bad sequels, a lot of stock footage from part one is inserted in this film. How? Simple, the girls, who btw walk around in their udnerwear almost all the time, watch the film Killer Eye in this film. Like in Bare Wench Project, the presence of the creature (not the bare wench this time, of course, but Killer Eye) makes the people horny. Killer Eye does it by spraying the people with his green ray. Wow. Nice and short, this one is really good for bad moviefans.

Eden Log - wow, cool film. Weird scifi setting where a guy wakes up in the mud, not remembering anything about how he got there. Guards are searching for him, and he finds some filmed footage which reveals info about his whereabouts. Slowly but steadily he finds his way through the labyrinth, soemtimes meeting a few people, sometimes seeing monsters. There is also a large tree, which has some important meaning. In the end, you will find out what this man actually is, and since you are kept in the dark with him, it is a very interesting film. I really liked it, the bleak atmosphere reminded me a bit of The Cube, and the fact that the guy has to find his way in a maze while armed guards are looking for him made me think of Halflife 2. A really cool experience, this film. Recommended.

Oasis of Fear - aka Un posto ideale per uccidere. This Lenzi film is actually not really a giallo, although it has giallo-esque aspects. It is more a crime/drama, as there is a young couple who get entangled in a murder case, but apart from the fact that there is only one kill, you actually don't see it happen. With no murders on screen I can hardly speak of a giallo. But, that doesn't make this a bad movie per se. The young couple is travelling Italy (you get to see some nice spots, like Firenze and Pisa), and selling some porn in the meantime to make some money. They get in trouble with the police for this, and when they're out of gas, they hide out in a villa where a woman lives alone. Soon they find out that there is a corpse in the trunk of one of the cars. Now the woman is taking advantage of the fact that the couple is sought after by the police. They, however, are not planning to gt caught so easily. Hippie atmosphere turns dark in this film, which is nice, but since I sat down to enjoy a nice 70s giallo with lots of murders and mystery, I felt a bit let down. This doesn't mean you shouldn't watch this film, as it has a good atmosphere and some cool shots in the dark. So, recommended, just keep in mind this is more a crime/drama, than anything else.

Hack Job - anthology movie. Low budget, and it shows. The beginning was so boring, that I started browsing the internet with the movie in the background. Sometimes I took a peek, which resulted in 1) some nice shots of ridiculoously bad looking monsters, or 2) me turning away in disgust again. Lloyd Kaufman does his dumb thing again, the humour was to cry about, there are some scenes in which the "actors" only keep on saying f*ck 25 times in a row: this movie just didn't do it for me. I'd say avoid.

The Cabin in the Woods - I had heard a lot of good stuff about this film, so contrary to my habit I didn't read about it beforehand. I wanted to be surprised, to see if this was really as good as people were saying. So I was kind of blank when I went in, I only knew many people liked it a lot. Well, the start is normal, nothing special about it. The five students end up in the cabin after having met the cliche local warning them about evil stuff, and soon they find out odd stuff about the cabin.

Spoiler:

The double mirror is just the start: soon after you get to see the company of which you already saw a few employess in the opening scene (but back then you didn't know what the connection to the students was), and you see them pushing buttons and all, controlling the experience of the students totally. This also explains the existence of the double mirror. Then it turns a bit Hostel-like, because the students have to die in order to please an audience whom you never get to see. The basement of the cabin, full of weird stuff, determines how it happens. After a few deaths the rest tries to escape, but they can't. A large invisible grid is blocking off all exits. The apotheosis of this film is really something. Not only was I surprised by the fact that all the students experience was controlled from an underground control center, but what happens when the last few survivors find out was so supercool that I can only write that you should go see this film. Even within spoilertags it is too cool to read before you see it.

The only drawback for me in this film was that some of the cgi was not that good, but most of it was acceptable, or even better. The ending was great too: you get the chance to think that it might turn sideways, but whether it does so or not, well... Highly recommended, one of the best and clever recent horrorfilms I have seen lately.

Witchslayer Gretl - pfft, rubbish. Shannon Doherty plays a witch who has possessed someone else's body. A witchslayer and his companions (a female witch/witcslayer and a young girl witch whose body was the target for Doherty to possess as a new body) are hunting her down. From time to time a warlock, some witches (easily recognisable from their dresses, as they are all the same: red with a black veil) and a cgi gargoyle appear to either fight the witchslayer and his female friends, or to steal a new witchgirl and murder some bystanders. The fights are all the same and they are equally ridiculous, because of the equipment: the witchslayer has for example some sort of bluetooth collar, so he can remotely communicate with his friends. Right. In the end we get to see some sentimental BS and then the film is over. Yay! Afterwards Ir ead that this was Syfy too. I could have guessed that.

Murderock - Late Fulci giallo, made more than ten years after his best giallos (Don't Torture a Duckling, for example). It is surprisingly quite good: atmosphere and music really add to the film's storyline. It is also very, very 80s with the spandex suits, the dancing workouts and the synthessizer music with the highpitched voices. As you know, I love that, and it made this film better for me. The giallo-esque murder mystery is cool enough, and although it is quite clear from pretty early on in the film who the killer is, the film really tries to put you off on the wrong foot, as a giallo should. But it is done in a way that if you pay attention, you can see the "traps" coming from miles away. Doesn't make a difference qualitywise if you ask me. Great Fulci, after this his career started to decline slowly, in my opinion, to take a steep dive into the abyss from 1990. So if you want to enjoy a nice Fulci (keep in mind that this one doesn't have any gore, like in most giallos), watch this one or films before this one.

A Cadaver Christmas - the title implies that this is a christmas film, but the story only plays out during christmas and nothing chritsmas-like happens, except for some decorations used as barricades against the zombies. Cadavers. So, yes, this is a zombiefilm (but according to the janitor they are cadavers, so he keeps saying so whenever someone mentions the word "zomies") and it is also a comedy. To my surprise the comedy part succeeded more than halfass, which is quite OK in my book. Except for the obvious classics like Evil Dead and Braindead and the like, horrorcomedy almost always fails in my opinion. This one didn't have me laugh my balls off either, but at least it didn't make me wanna commit suicide or anything. The zonbie action is OK, and I must say that the ending really surprised me in a positive way. I also recommend to keep watching until the credits are over. It isn't necessary per se, but it helps when you are like "wtf happened?" at the ending. Recommended, especially for the ending.

Malenka - I had a bad rip of this, it didn't play on my mediaplayer and burning it onto a DVD gave me a data error, so I watched it on my PC. After an hour or so, I found out that this was the same as the film Fangs of the Living Dead, and I searched that on here. It turned out that I had seen that in February 2008, so it is not really surprising that it took me a while to find out both films were actually the same The fact that that review is on page 22 of this thread and this on is on page 92, says enough, I think Interesting is it to see if my opinion changed in the meantime. It didn't really. I still liked this one a lot, it is a fine example of Euro horror by Amando de Ossorio. The differences are that I noticed more SBiG stuffd, like the candle Sylvia Morel is dropping in the stairway and some effects, and of course I now know Anita Ekberg and Rosanna Yanni better Recommended, especially for bad moviefans.

Schoolgirl Hitchhikers - a Jean Rollin film which isn't about vampires, but about two girls escaping from their school and goping on a trip. Upon finding an empty house they enter it and have sex several times. When a man enters the house, he joins them. He turns out to be a criminal who is part of a gang which had robbed some jewellery and hid it in the house. So when the rest of the gang returns, they want to claim the jewels. Alas, the safe is empty. Now Rollin uses this to show some torture (the gangleader, a woman, whips the girls) and more sex, between the gangmembers and the girls. After a while the jewels are returned by someone else. Actually, this story could have been told in maybe 15 minutes, but because of the extensive sex- and torturescenes, this film lasts 75 minutes. In my opinion this film is better than most vampire Rollins. Recommended for bad movie- and exploitationfans.

Cellar Dweller - Jeffrey Combs is a cartoonist who draws a monster and somehow that monster comes alive and kills him. Years later, the house of the cartoonist is an art colony and students live there. One of the students draws comics too, and the monster reappears. Now she and her fellow students have to find a way to survive the night. Nice 80s short horror, but only for atmosphere and 80s effects. The storyline is quite boring actually, it gets repetitive and feels long although the film is actually quite short. The monster is really cool, however, and worth taking a look anyway. So if you don't mind a crappy storyline, then go for it.

Box Of Shadows - a student, in desperate need for money because of his meth addiction, gets a coffin. He is told to destroy it, but he doesn't and he fidns out that there is some kind of ancient machinery inside. With his friends (one of them wheelchaired) he finds out that you can experience death for a minute when you're inside the coffin and work the machinery a little. The nerd among them has found out about the creator of the coffin, an evil equivalent of Da Vinci, he says. The wheelchaired guy can even walk in the near death experiences, so he gets a bit addicted to it soon. Other bad developments follow... What I learned form this film: meth addiction is OK, but watch out for wheelchaired people because they sure are frustrated! Mediocre film, not too bad, but also not very memorable.

Recreator - blegh, this story has been done too often now. A few friends go into a desolate house on an island, and they find out that for some reason they get cloned and now their clones (smarter, faster and stronger than them) want to kill them because of their inferiority. What follows is a really boring film with next to no effects or action. I advise you all to avoid this and pick a nice movie to watch instead of this superfluous BS.

Total Recall - the 2012 remake. I don't like remakes, but this one has Kate Beckinsale, so I gave it a chance. It is directed by Kate's husband (they also worked on the Underworld films together) and you can see that easily. This film is characterized by two things: huge cgi worlds and lots of fast actionscenes. It isn't so much scifi as action (just like Underworld is more action than horror), imo, although there are some funny scifi gadgets, like the telephone in the hand and the screen on the fridge. But those are details. Kate is cool as the bad girl, Jessica Biel is quite flat as the resistance fighter girl imo, and Colin Farrell looks like he is not really "at home" in this movie. At least, not at all tims, he has his moments. The Verhoeven touch is lost totally, so if you liked the first Total Recall because of that, you shouldn't watch this one. If you just want some brainless action, then you can go for this, of course.

Thanks for your summaries. I'll have a look at "The Cabin in the Woods". It's odd that it is not posted on this site.

@Total Recall: Just what I expected. I'll skip it for sure.

People seem not to bother anymore

i'll also look into cabin in the woods, thanks Slayer

"i've bothered"

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=23470

Thx Nice to get confirmed that it is read/appreciated from time to time.

Don't read the spoilers on Cabin in the Woods: it's best to go in blank.

Dark Shadows - typical Tim Burton gothic fairytale with Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins, a man who gets turned into a vampire and then gets locked up in a coffin for two centuries by a witch who can't take the fact that she loves Barnabas but he doesn't love her. In 1972 Barnabas gets woken by a crew who is digging for road construction (or something, I might be wrong here), and he ends up at the mansion of his descendants. It turns out that the Collins family has a business problem, and Barnabas is gonna help them restore their reputation. Some really funny jokes (the Mephistopheles joke was cool) and some funny situations, with the teenage girl advising Barnabas on how to court women, for example. Burton shows his mark especially in scenes like the "sexscene", where he does a lot of not so normal stuff with perspectives and the like. I really enjoyed this fuilm, but it is not so much horror, except for the fact that there are a vampire, a witch and

Spoiler:

a werewolf

because it isn't scary or anything. It is suitbale for kids Still: recommended, as Burton is an artist with imagery.

i didnt liked Dark Shadows AT ALL. Well, maybe except of Eva Green. Everything was so predictable and so...cliche... last Tim Burtons movies dissapointed me. I hope Franken... will be better.

Eva Green... :drooling:

Well, if you were looking for a scary vampirefilm, yeah, then I can imagine you didn't like it. I also enjoyed Eva Green and she did a swell job at acting too, btw

The Apparition - this ghostfilm starts out pretty cliche, with a few students conducting an experiment with a spirit (they want to trap it) but it goes wrong and the spirit escapes. Then we switch to a couple going to live in the house of the girl's parents for a while. Then it gets quite boring, even though the supernatural being stuff is happening in that house now. It never gets really interesting, the only moment which was OK-ish, was with the little girl saying that the house killed her dog. The ending is a bit weird, it came across as if the director wanted an alternative ending, and then they glued both endings together or something. Odd. I'd say skip this one.

Cockneys vs Zombies - funny Brit zombieflick. It has eastenders going for a robbery which that goes totally wrong, an elderly home full of militant older people and a zombie outbreak in the whole of London. It had some really good jokes and some predictable ones. I enjoyed it and I really hope that all those "look I have a handycam and now me and my friends can make a zombiemovie too" guys watch this one and then learn. Recommended. Oh, and subtitles aren't treally needed: they come in handy, but the cockney wasn't that inaudible that I couldn't have followed the storyline without them.

Bordello Death Tales - low budget antholoigy film with 3 stories: The Ripper, Stitch Girl and Vice Day. Usually the first story is the lamest and the final one is the best (it's a marketing trick, I guess), but this time it is the other way around. The Ripper is an OK slasher part, with a twist I had already seen before in

Spoiler:

Julia X

It has nice gore and it's storyline is by far the most interesting. Sticth Girl is a very weird story, about a guy finding a large-as-life doll and he falls madly in love with it. This isn't horror, but it is absurd cinema for sure, especially when there is the only coloured scene in this part (the rest is B&W) where they sing and dance like they are in a musical. Vice Day is about webcamsex going awry, with a strange personality shift thing. This one was really boring, as next to nothing happened. I'm curious about the rest of the work of James Eaves (The Ripper) at least.

Amphibious 3D - this is a Brian Yuzna film, but if you had told me this one was the gazillionth Syfy monsterflick, I'd have believed you. Yuzna goes down the stairs, deep into the sewers of Syfy cinema, to wretch out this suprfluous creature feature. For me there was a nice touch, because Yuzna made use of many a Dutch talent in filmcrew and cast (although most of them are expats and not so well known over here). It didn't save the film in any way, though. It was ridden with cliches and the effects were not above average, although I have seen worse. Way worse, I might add (guess where...). Not a Yuzna you should go for, especially if you don't know him yet or are a big fan of his 80s work.

The last remaining films on my HDD (for now):

Meat - curious how you can miss stuff: they made this film in my country and I totally didn't know about it. It's no blockbuster or anything, so it isn't that strange I didn't know about it, but still. It is actually a good film: it has some Warmerdam weirdness and the atmosphere is cold and grim. It reminded me of De Noorderlingen. The storyline has actual depth and the sexscenes serve a purpose. The underlying thought is making a parallel between eating meat and having sex: the film depicts both acts as being depraved. There is some good acting in this film: the "I am acting, so I have to speak overly pronounced", which you can find in many Dutch films, is missing. The main character (Muizelaar) is great! It isn't really a horrorfilm, it is more an absurdistic piece of cinema with a message. If you're up for something a bit odd, or offbeat, you can safely go for this one. I don't know whether the English subs are on par as I watched without them. Recommended.

Nympha - movie with Italian director playing out in a convent. All nunsploitation bells went off, but it was to no avail: this isn't a nunsploitation film. Tiffany Shepis plays an American woman wanting to live in seclusion, so she moves to Italy and enters a convent. There she has to go through some sort of a rite of passage until she can be accepted. During this rite, she has visions of a girl named Ninfa, whose grandfather was kind of mad as he thought he could speak directly to god and therefore was punishing people in his name and so on. You might know this religious fanatic's drill from other films. However, the visions become livelier everytime and while I was expecting the film to be utter shite, this was't so much the case. No masterpiece, but still it has some nice surprises for me, like the twist in the storyline (although I could have seen that one coming) and some gross stuff near the end. It wasn't as I expected it to be, and it even was a tad better.

The Child - really cool grindhouse 70s flick about a woman going to babysit a girl whose mother has died. She has "friends" in the cemetery, and these zombies she calls out from time to time to avenge her mother's death, as she thinks some people in the nearby surroundings are responsible for it. The acting is a bit wooden, the dialogue sounds like in a play, hollow-like. But that all adds to the atmosphere imo, which is great! The cemetery friends look cool, and the gore is old fashioned, nice! Highly recommended for fans of old horror.

Una Libelula Para Cada Muerto - aka A Dragonfly For Each Corpse. Paul Naschy is a rude policeman who is confronted with a series of murders. Everytime the murderer leaves a small wax dragonfly on the corpse. The dragonflies are in weird and improbable places sometimes, but mostly they are easy to find for the cops. Oddly, this Spanish film is playing in Milan, therefore emphasizing the wish to imitate the giallo. Apart from the location, nothing hints at the film "being Italian" which makes it a bit more odd. But OK, it is not a very big deal. The story is interesting, the killer is nicely gloved and you are also kept in the dark quite well on who the killer might be. Even the sex of the killer is hard to guess, as there are many hints for both. The killer is mad, of course and the final fight is classic. A worthy giallo which isn't a giallo, I'd say. Job well done by Argentinian Klimovsky.

Biotherapy - Japanese short on a secret medicine, which is wanted by both man and alien. The development of the story takes quite long, and just when you think that it might end without anyting happening, the final scene is setting the entire short loose with monsters, loads of gore and this typical Japanese horror weirdness we all know so well. It only takes half an hour to watch this, so if you have a gap to fill, grab this one. It is actually quite cool.