Devil – five people get trapped in an elevator in a Philadelphia skyscraper. While the security guards, the building’s mechanics and the police are working to get the people out, they start dying one by one. Because there is a lot of interference, and the lights go off and on, the onlooking policemen are only capable of guessing what’s going on. One of the security guards is convinced the devil is at work here, but the policemen are skeptical. But if it’s not the devil, then who is doing the killing? Nice little film, I got scared when I noticed that it was written by M. Night Shyamalan, as I really dislike all his films after Unbreakable, but it turned out to be not so bad. Maybe him not directing it did the trick, as the story was surprising enough, but it didn’t go over the top. The ending is something I could see coming from miles away, but nevertheless it was OK. Not a masterpiece, but a nice piece of work, where acting and story are more important than effects and gore. Recommended.

Big Tits Zombie – yet another J-sploitation. This one has a 3D feature, the DVD has two of those silly glasses included in the tray, and from time to time, a 3D glasses symbol appears in the upper left corner of the screen with a timer. When the timer reaches zero, you have to put on your glasses as the 3D part begins. I must say, this was quite irritating. The 3D scenes were few and far between, and they also didn’t last very long, so the hassle of putting on the glasses and then putting them away again was sometimes taking more time than the scene lasted. Also, it didn’t really add anything to the film, it had no extra value or anything. OK, on to the film. If you dislike this genre (with famous representatives like Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police) you can safely skip this one. If you like it, however, you can sit back and enjoy this. It has all the stuff you expect from a film like this, and even some more, the coolest thing by far was

Spoiler:

the flamethrowing vagina

The girls look great, especially the chick with the sword. Recommended for fans of the genre.

Death Stone Kadaicha – Australian demonic horror with a crystal in the lead role. This crystal, the death stone (or kadaicha) is handed out by a demon to a certain person and when that person gets the stone, he or she will die soon by the hand of the demon, who by then has taken the shape of an animal. The demon is a part of Aboriginal folklore, and of course there is an ancient Aboriginal burial ground upon which modern day Australian developers have built houses. Now the daughters of the men living in the houses are dying by numbers because of the kadaicha. And of course, at first nobody believes the kids when they tell their teachers and parents about the cursed stone, but after a while, it gets serious amd then even the developer who also has a daughter, starts to come around. The ending was hilarious, as were the effects, in this 80s trashy Ozzie horror. Recommended for bad moviefans.

Hallucinations of a Deranged Mind – aka Delírios de um Anormal. A guy has nightmares about Coffin Joe having an affair with his wife while he is in hell. When his doctors don’t know what to do, they invite Mojica Marins to convince the man that Coffin Joe isn’t real. This takes over an hour to accomplish, and in the meantime we get to see a lot of hell scenes. These scenes contain a lot of fakeness and are therefore are a treat for bad moviefans. The lack of storyline can only bother serious filmfans, so I’d say go watch this when you like bad movies!

The Nest – an island village called North Port has a problem: it is being invaded by super cockroaches! This 80s monsterflick has all the cliches you want to see (a company which probably caused the cockroaches to mutate, a mayor who at first doesn’t want to interfere with said company’s policy, a young policeman who has a love interest for the mayor’s daughter, who, by the way, just returned from LA where she moved because she wanted to escape from the island, a diner’s owner who is now jealous at the mayor’s daughter because she was trying to get the young policeman, who, by the way, is not taking the mayor’s advice and goes out to solve the problem himself, etc, etc, etc). Sadly, we only get to see the cockroaches this much, in shots where they are real. No giant cockroaches on film whatsoever, only big eggs. The gore is cool though, and there are some neat features, like the fact that the cockroaches develop an ability to change into the creature they just ate! Cool,eh? This makes it possible to have a cat-cockroach appear, and later on even a human-cockroach! Hilarious! Highly recommended for bad moviefans, or for gorefans who liked 80s films like From beyond (for it’s gore).

Antiviral - sick film made by the son of David Cronenberg. Syd March works at a clinic which sells viruses and other illnesses to fans of celebrities who have that same illness. This "industry" for fans has been growing over the years, profiting from the worshiping attitude of people towards celebrities. Syd however, doesn't only sell the viruses, he also smuggles them out of the clinic in hos own body, to earn some money with them on the black market. This makes him sick almost everyday, and when one of the celebrities whose illnesses he has been selling dies under mysterious circumstances, he has to find out what's going on before it is too late, as now he is in danger himself: both the black and the normal market want the virus he is carrying. As a Cronmenberg, this guy gets to meet a lot of expectations of course, and I think we should give him some credit for starters. I actually think he might be worthy successor to his dad, as the atmosphere was grim and eerie, the body horror, alkthiugh a bit too psarse for my taste, was effective and the feeling you got from watching this was sick. The criticism of society should be more subtle, but acting was great and music too. I think this was a great debut (in featurefilm), let's see what he brings on later.

Hitchcock - not really a horror, but a biopic of Alfred Hitchcock, solely focusing on the time period when he was making Psycho. Quite funny, and some great performances, although I think Scarlett Johansson could have given some more depth to her role of Janet Leigh (her looks are still killing, though). Hopkins and Mirren are great. About 98% of what you see has happened for real, which adds to the experience imo. Recommended.

Mama - Canadian/Spanish horror, and the Spanish influence is visible, so if you're a fan of Spanish horror, check this out. A man commits a familydrama: he kills his wife and then tries to escape with his daughters Victoria and Lilly. They drive into the forest, but then their car crashes and they have to walk. They end up in a cabin, where the father tries to kill Victoria: a dark creature however, prevents this. Years later, the uncle of the girls is still looking for his nieces, and when they are found, they are very much bewildered. They have turned into savage creatures who, with the help of a doctor Dreyfuss, slowly return to humankind. The uncle gets to take care of the girls, but in order to get this custody, he and his girlfriend have to move into a certain house and the doctor wants to keep access to the girls. They take this offer and move into the new home. After a while, they start to notice that they aren't with just the four of them... The Spanish influence is in the story, the setting and in the camerawork. The story has some scrary moments: I got scared once and I got goosebumps at least twice during this film. The setting has something fairytale-like, especially the cliff and the lake in the woods. The camerawork adds to this fairytale-like atmosphere, which is so typical for films like Pan's Labyrinth. This film really got me: it was scary at times, but also beautiful and moving.

Spoiler:

I actually started to feel sorry for the ghost

Of course there are also some letdowns. The cgi could have been better, as it was noticeable. Not really bad, but sometimes a bit of an immersion breaker. And while the final scene is really dramatic

Spoiler:

it is a bit too much of a tearjerker, and especially the last shot, with the butterflies, and then Victoria saying "Lilly?" to one of them, uuuggghh

But, most of this film was good and sometimes even great. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Highly recommended.

The Fifth Cord – aka Giornata nera per l'ariete. Nice giallo by Luigi Bazzoni. Franco Nerom plays Andrea Bild, an alcoholic reporter who wants to write about a series of murders which have been committed lately, so he starts investigating. The killer always leaves a glove at the crimescene, and everytime one more finger is missing from it. Who will be next? I really liked this one, I didn’t guess the killer, the red herrings were a bit too obvious at times, but the music and the camerawork were superb! Nero also played his part very well. It had been some time since I saw a real giallo, but this one is really in the better half of the genre, that’s for sure. Recommended.

Not of this Earth – a Roger Corman classic remake from the 80s, with portnstar Traci Lords in the lead role. On the cover there is an alien monster, which isn’t in the film . There is an alien, however, he just looks like an old man with sunglasses. When he lifts his sunglasses, his eyes glo wand some bad looking lightning will enter the person he is looking at. That way, he draisn the person of his/her blood. Voila, the “space vampire”. Maybe you have seen Lifeforce, or Bloodsuckers. Those films, even though they aren’t masterpieces either, have done the space vampire way better. This was just lame. And even some 80s tits can’t save that. Don’t excpect any horror and you will be OK if you like bad movies. Watch for the boom mic entering the screen almost at the end of the film.

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms – 50s monsterflick with early Ray Harryhausen effects. Apparently the inspiration for Gojira, and you can see why. There are drawn out scenes in which nothing happens and they are quite boring. The second half, when the monster is coming on screen more regularly, gets better. Then we also get to see the stop motion movement, the miniature houses and cars, and the military trying to kill the beast. I only missed the miniature army with firecrackers, which are always in the Japanese films. So if you like bad movies, are into 50s monsterflicks or want to see where the Godzilla guys got their inspiration, go watch this one.

Sorority Party Massacre - the title promises a lot, but you don't get so much. A bad and boring film, it failed in keeping my attention, and became worse and worse over time. The ending was a typical apotheosis: bad and very unlogical. The opening scene is already a mistake: it takes way too long until the spoiled babe is murdered, and although the killing itself is pretty cool, we get to see too little of it. After that, there is some sort of a babe competition, and it is way too drawn out to be interesting, and although some babes show enough skin, others keep their clothing on for way too long. Acting is everything between OK-ish and atrocious. The plot is actually not so bad, but then there is a twist within the plot which makes it all riodiculous. Please help yourself and skip this sorry excuse for a film, it will save you over 100 minutes of your life.

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia – sequel which has nothing to do with part one. This one is about Lisa, a woman who has seen ghosts in the past, she has been treated for it and now she is taking pills to control her visions. She and her family move into a new home in the middle of nowhere, because they got a very good deal on the house. The previous owner however, had died years ago and it has been empty ever since. When Lisa’s daughter starts talking to an invisible guy, Mr Gordy, Lisa is afraid history might repeat itself. Soon after, however, she starts seeing things too. Good: atmosphere is OK, actging acceptable. The setting is cool, too. Bad: ghostys start to appear after a mere 18 minutes, which is way too early in the film. It takes away a lot of tension. The plot: when the real “twist” starts, I imeediately knew ho wit would end and I was disappointed that the filmmakers couldn’t make more of it. Anyone who paid attention just slightly, could see this “plottwist” come from miles away. So: not bad, but nothing special.

Scanvengers – scifi film about a crew who travels through space and makes money by “scavenging” stuff (actually it is more some sort of stealing things). Their leader Wake is after a device called the Chaos Generator, which consists of three parts and they can bedome real powerful with it. When they find one part, Wake’s nemesis Jekel goes after him, to steal the Chaos Generator and to kill Wake and his crew in the process. Weak scifi, the story reminded me a bit of Space Truckers, but it was way less interesting than that film. Sean Patrick Flanery gives an overexaggerated performance as Jekel, there are lame joke-ish things like a guy who knows everything called Data Ocean (ha, ha, ha… sigh) and overall it was quite boring. The cgi was quite nice, but I’d rather watch some good cgi embedded in something that resembles a story. I’d say skip this one.

American Mary – Katherine Isabelle stars in this Soska sisters film about a med student (Isabelle) who has financial trouble and by coincidence gets in touch with several people who want to have “special” surgeries. She starts out with freakish stuff like Barbie-surgery, but when her professor lures her to a party where she gets drugged and abused, she turn to a toitally different kind of surgery… Very cool horrorfilm, I really like what the Soska sisters are doing: their first film Dead Hooker in a Trunk was also pretty good. This one is better, and that is mainly because of Katherine Isabelle. She plays her part well, looks hot in her surgery outfit and the gore flows aplenty. The ending is also not your everyday horrorfilm ending, I liked it. Highly recommended.

A Resurrection – Eli is in trouble. Maybe he has some sort of a mental issue, so the school counselor is gonna have some talks to him, especially when he gets into a fight with some jocks. It turns out Eli’s brother got killed in a hit and run on the road from school to home. After his death, Eli got a witch to insert some spirit into the dead body of his brother, so he wouldn’t die permanently. The problem is that the dead brother now needs six souls in order to stay “not dead”. This film was very uninteresting. The story dragged a bit too much, there were too few things happening, the acting by some actors was below par. Only plus was Morgan Wolk, she looks nice. But that’s it. Skip this one.

Infected – a blood virus is spreading and a bunch of hunters in the woods have to defend themselves in the cabin they ended up in. Although there are some well known actors in this cast (Michael Madsen, William Forsythe), this film sucks big time. It tries to be a classic zombieflick I guess, with the cabin in the woods setting and all. It steals from NOTLD, Evil Dead, etc, etc. Effects were minimal, I guess all money went to Madsen and Forsythe. Lots of cliches, and to top it off, the opening scene is repeated in it’s entirety, so you are watching the same images again for some 5 minutes later on in the film. Cheap. Skip this one too.

Axe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan - I had great fun with this film, it was so full of crap, incredible! It starts out in 1894 according to the titles, but the men wear glasses, wool caps, jeans, lumberjack shirts, etc. all from a period which is the 1980s at the latest. Fortunately Paul Bunyan soon appears and kills everyone. Then we jump to the present where some "rebellious" teens have some sort of a bootcamp conveniently in the area where Paul was last seen. We get to see Paul one more time before he meets the teens, and in that scene he rips apart some wildlife, which looked hilarious. Then, when one of the teens picks up a horn from a bull's skeleton, Paul gets angry and starts chasing them: he splits and cleaves them at will, and all kills look very much cgi. After a while, when almost everyone is already dead, we get to see why Paul is so angry: the bull was his favourite pet, and it was killed by lumberjacks, back in, you guessed it: 1894. This scene is ridiculously funny, the bull really looks like a parody, I sincerely hope that it wasn't meant to be scary, because oh, boy... It is also a nice game to see who of your friends can spot the most changes in size when it comes to Paul's length, it is almost like Britney's boobs. Large, small, large again, smaller again, etc etc. Lots of fun! Only for bad moviefans.

Re-Generator - pfft, boring. A plane with a highly classified cargo crashes on a mountain in Colorado. The cargo is yet another "supersoldier" which is of course unkillable. Some youths are having drinks and smoking weed on the mountain, and then they are being killed off one by one. Of course the military wantgs to keep this killing machine secret, and then we get the usual circus of rogue journalists, the local sheriff, the army and some spec ops guys and the imopending bombardment while there are still people on the mountain, oh noes! Very uninteresting film, I'd say skip it.

Virgin Witch - very nice 70s witchery film, with Vicki Michelle (of 'Allo 'Allo fame) as one of two sisters who get recruited for a modeling agency, but when they go to the castle for a first photo shoot, it turns out they are actually being recruited for a witches coven. Ann Michelle, Vicki's real life sister, also plays her sister in this film, and Christina, as she is called, is planning to take over the coven. Atmospheric film, somewhat Gothic, resembling the Hammer films of the 60s. Acting is OK and the storyline is inbtersting enough. Throw in some nudity and some 70s nonsense and we get to see a nice relic of British horror. Recommended.

Seeds of Destruction - aka The Terror Beneath. In an excavation some ancient seeds are found and they are trnasported to a lab and then they are forgotten by most of the people involved. Most, because all of a sudden some root system is growing exponentially fast underground and spreading throughout Nevada. It turns out that one of the scientists has been continuing work on the seeds and now they are a devastating monsterplant. Adrian Pasdar is a government agent who has to deal with the threat before it is gonna eliminate entire towns. Although the danger now comes froma plant instead of an animal, this Syfy film is pretty cliche in it's formula. The effects are bad cgi as you might expect and the storyline is very predictable. If you dislike Syfy then stay away, if you don't mind brainless entertainment, go for it.

Comedown - Brit horror about who gather together in an old apartment building to set up an antenna for a pirate radio broadcast. When they're there, one of them smashes some pigeon eggs, which sets off a chain of violent incidents by a maimed killer who apparently lives in the building. This killer is very creative, in the way that he doesn't simply kill his victims, but sometimes sets them up so they actually kill themselves (not always, he does some of the killings himself). Some of the kills are pretty gory, others are more straightforward. The problem with the killer is, however, that his motive remains quite unclear until very kate in the film and when it does, it is a bit disappointing. What's good is the ending, it has a nice touch. Acting was OK too, although it could have been better in some parts. Still, nice little film, you can safely give this one a watch.

Germ - cliche and uninteresting, this film is about a small town (yawn) where something alien crashes down (yawn) and the remains infect the people (yawn) so they become some sort of aggresive zombies (yawn). They run around screaming (yawn) and kill everything in their way (yawn) except for when the person has something to do/say afterwards, then that person lives a little longer. OK, so this is boring and predictable, isn't there anything good about this movie? I can be short on this one. No, there isn't. Skip it and go for a cool zombieflick instead.

YellowBrickRoad - the premise is great: in 1940, the people of a small town called Friar, all start walking up a trail and then they disappear. A military search conducted later reveals a part of their remains: frozen and mutilated bodies, but some bodies are still missing. In 2008, a scientific search party is gonna see if they can find out what happened on the trail, the Yellow Brick Road. While this sounds cool and interesting, the way this stpory is made into film is very disappointing. I had a constant Blair Witch Project feeling, and since I very much disliked that film, I wasn't enjoying watching this. The problem here is that there is too little happening and too much stuff is weird and unexpalainable. While in BWP there are bidyparts lying around and we get to see some sort of a climax with a quick shot of the "monster", YellowBrockRoad doesn't give you anything. There is one gory shot in which a guy tears off the leg of his girlfriend and it comes off as laughable, because well, how easily can one tear off a person's leg, you know... Also, there is no climax, and if the final scene was meant as a climax, it failed miserably. The only stuff which I liked was the singing and the voices in the trees, but since there never came a follow up, it meant nothing in the end. Save yourself 95 minutes and pick a movie in which stuff actually happens.

The Lords of Salem - the latest film of Rob Zombie, again starring his wife Sheri Moon. I haven't seen his Halloween remakes, and House of 1000 Corpses and Devil's Rejects were not really classics for me, so my expectations weren't that high. This one however, I enjoyed. It's about a trio of DJ's with one female DJ, Heidi, who one day receives a package with a record in it. She plays it at home, and when they put it on in the show, it becomes a hit. The music however, is something creepy and it has a hypnotizing effect on the women of the town. Heidi herself is affected too, and when she can't take it any longer, she falls back into her old drug habits. Her neighbours take her in, and from that moment on, she gets involved in a whole new world of which she didn't know it existed. The storyline, although not really original, is quite interesting, and it also makes you wanting to know what will come next. The music is cool, as the DJ trio usually plays rock music, and the music of the mysterious record really adds to the atmosphere. The images are beatiful, especially in the dreamy/trancy sequences. Best Zombie film so far, recommended.

Ooga Booga - typical Charles Band film with dolls coming to life, in this case an African warrior-doll gets the spirit of Devin, a guy who just passed his exams and now got shot by a racist cop. Together with Devin's former girlfriend Donna, the doll sets out to get revenge for the killing of Devin. This goes beyond just killing the cop. Hilarious film, with low budget looking effects, but man, do I love the stop motion moves of the doll! Sadly, some cgi was put in, too, so let's hope the stop motion will prevail. Band wants easy money, so it seems, as he took some of the storyline from another film, and even some characters (like Hambo from Zombies vs Strippers), so it seems like he has had the best of his days and now just wants to score quickly. Hopefully the next film will be a bit more original, even though these spin-offs are funny enough. Only for bad moviefans.

Stitches - funny horrorcomedies, they are quite rare. This is one of them. Tom is having his birthday and as a asurprise, his mom ordered a clown to do some tricks. However, the clown is accidentally killed on the birthday party and years later he comes back from the dead to kill the kids who were there as a punishment. Tom's parents are away for the weekend and although he has a birthday trauma (the clown, you know), he gets convinced that he should throw a party. Of course, the clown is gonna attend too. I had great fun watching this, It isn't a very original storyl, but the kills are great and they are very original! The umbrella kill is my personal favourite, but there are many other really funny kills. Also how the clown is smashing the cat while counting to ten to make sure it is really dead is simply hilarious. I read some reviews where people were writing that they thought the cat part wasn't funny, but I call hypocrisy. The same people are laughing when people die, so why not when a cat is killed? It's a friggin'movie, you know... OK, back on topic: is there anything not so good about this one? Yes, there is. The part between the birthday party and the resurrection is a bit too long. But that's all! Highly recommended for being one of the funniest horrorcomedies I have seen lately, and intentionally at that.

Devils of War - very bad war horror flick where a bunch of US soldiers is gonna go undercover in Poland in 1944 to extract a secret agent. One of them is black, so far for the undercover operation. Lots of bad/wrong stuff happens: there aren't any shells leaving the weaponry, the barrel of the MG is changing from an MG34 to an MG42 and back while in a firefight, the SS is manning AA guns, people die but their clothing remains intact, and when they shot one firefight on film, they decided to put it in 5 times during the running time of this film. The nazis are overexaggerated and they look like computergame nazis with the ultramodern gasmasks. They also simply keep on walking when they get shot down one by one by a sniper. The secret agent has large boobs in a very tight blouse, as has her nazi female commander. They both give you some eyecandy. The story is ridiculous, the effects are even worse. Only for bad moviefans, they can have some real fun with this one.

Tasmanian Devils - I can actually be quite short on this one. It is a Syfy movie with evil animals, in this case Tasmanian Devils. They look ridiculously bad in their cgi form, the storyline is unoriginal and gives the mediocre acting cast the chance to utter some cliches like "I had a childhood trauma, but now I have to overcome it in order to survive!" and "Leave me here, I'll only slow you down!". In the end it is humans 1 computers 0.

Hold Your Breath - an Asylum movie, but I don't know which one they were spoofing this time. That took away a bit of the fun, and since this film isn't anything groundbrealking, I was a tad disappointed. Story: youngsters omn a high school reunion drive by a cemetery and they have to hold their breath in order to prevent evil sprits to enter their bodies. One of them doesn't hold his breath (he is f**ing inhaling even!), and from that moment on, the spirit is jumping from body to body, killing the boys and girls at will. There are some nice chicks, a few fun moments, but most of the time it is all too cliche and dumb. Example: when they go by foot to the cemetery, one of the girls asks: "Shouln't we hold our breath?" Good question, right? Answer: "No, that only works when you are driving by." Wait, what?? Really? Like the sprit knows whether you are walking or driving by, OK. Bad stuff. Not really funny, so I think even bad moviefans can't have too much fun with this.

Inside - a guy gets jailed, and soon after the lights in his corridor go out, and a guard is bleeding out in front of his cell. There is gunfire, and the guy doesn't know what to do, so he grabs the cellphone the guard is carrying and tries to call, for help. His buddy next door is also trying to figure out what they can do best. In the meantime, there is something loose in the prison and it kills indiscriminately. While I thought this could be interesting, it wasn't so good. The start is promising, but the scene where the guy calls for help is annoying as he starts sobbing and crying and therefore 1) he is almost incomprehensible and 2) he lost all my sympathy. After that, it is going downhill as far as I'm concerned, because there is stuff which ios really dumb, like the fact they get the idea

Spoiler:

to grab the dead guard's keys to get out, but only after one full hour

The monster is in fact also not very exciting, and the ending is meh. There is some good acting, by Luke Goss for example, but it can't save this film.

It's In The Blood - Lance Henriksen and his son (who was the weird name October) make a trip in the woods and they tell each other stories about the past. They also get confronted by that past that way, and it contains several traumatic events. They also aren't alone in the woods, so they end up fighting for their lives. OK film which is some sort of a coming of age film in which the horror is mostly symbolic. The best gore part is when

Spoiler:

Lance gets gangreen in one of his legs and October is gonna amputate it: the maggots crawl out of the leg and it looks really gross

Although it wasn't what I expected, it wasn't so bad, you just have to go a bit with all the symbolism. It's actually more a drama than a horror, if you look at the film like that. What's not so good is the predictability up to a certain point and even though it is short, it has some uninteresting parts. Henriksen is great, however, and he saves it a bit. Mediocre horror, nice drama with horror touch.

Absolon - scifi with the emphasis on the science part. In a postapocalyptic world, millions of people have died of a virus, and now everyone has to take a drug called Absolon, to not get sick by the virus and die. A scientist finds a cure, but then he gets killed, because the large companies who provide Absolon, want to keep making money. Now Norman Scot (Christopher Lambert), a policeman, tries to fight these companies and save the cure for mankind. He is helped by Dr. Whittaker (Kelly Brooks), but he is also hunted down byu the company's hitsquad, led by Agent Walters (Lou Diamond Phillips). It turns out this is more an actionflick than a scifi, and there is lots of chasing and fighting going on. Most credits should go to Brooks, not only because of her beatiful... eyes, but also because she has to act togtether with Lambert, and the fact that she can keep a straight face while he is having trouble uttering the simplest of sentences and when he does, it sounds like a 2nd hand robot, is worthy of an Oscar in itself. She even French kisses him. Twice! While the story was only a tad intersting, I had a good time laughing at Lambert, so if you like bad movies, especially when it is bad because of bad acting, then you can safely pick this one.

Nailbiter - a woman and her three daughters are gonna pick up their husband/father, wo is returning from a military mission abroad. On the road to the airport, they are being caught by a tornado, and to escape it, they go and hide in a cellar. When the storm has passed, they find out that they can't leave: a tree has fallen across the entrance of the cellar. They try to get contact, and they hear some people walking around in the house above them. While trying to get out of the cellar, one of the daughters suddenly gets bitten by some creature, and from that moment on, they are getting even more anxious to get out, because now there is this other threat, besides the storms. This film, although starting out pretty OK, doesn't really keep you on the edge of your seat. The scenes leading up to their entrapment in the cellar are OK, then the cellar-scenes themselves are somewhat drawn out and could have been a bit more interesting imo.

Spoiler:

The scenes after the cellar, when the girls get out and meet the townspeople in their monstrous manifestation, were actually the most interesting, but sadly they were the shortest. I would have loved it if the film had been like 50% of the time about this period

All in all it was quite original, but lacked a bit of inspiration and explanation. Mediocre film.

Mortuary - had this one filed under /Satanic, but it turned out to be a slasher. Released in 1983, it has some typical 80s stuff, like the rollerskate hall ("the roller ring") and it also has that 80s atmoshpere I love so dearly. Sadly, this time the atmosphere can't make this film a good one, because it seems like it aims at being a good film, but fails, while it isn't so bad that it's good again. Greg and Christie are dating, and Greg and his friend are visiting the mortuary to grab some stuff and then the friend goes missing. By chance, Greg witnesses a seance in the mortuary and then he starts investigating what happened to his friend, and what the role of the mortuary is in all this. Like I said, this film is neither bad nor good, it has some weird mistakes, like

Spoiler:

at first Greg doesn't recognise any of the women in the seance, but later he realises that Christie's mother was there

and the story needs to pick up pace for a while. Then the red herring is shown a little too obvious, and when you are trying to guess the killer, the filmmakers make it easy for you:

Spoiler:

Christie simply sees him in her dreams, and then there isn't any twist, it really is him

So while the atmopshere is OK, this film lacks surprises, also acting could have been a bit better.

Bad Meat - well, this one was bad. It is very cliche: group of troubled teens needs to go to a boot camp in the middle of nowhere to learn some discipline. When the staff eats some bad meat they turn into flesh eating monsters, after having puked all over the place. Now the kids must try to survie and get back to the civilised world. Why is this film bad? Apart from the cliches, there is the lack of interesting things happening, and also the very unlogical ending. There are scenes interwoven in the film about a person being completely bandaged, head to toe. I think the intention is that you try guessing who it is or something, but the way this (and the film) is concluded sucks beyond all recognition. At least Monique Ganderton can say she had an interesting part, because who else can say that they played a character who was chasing teenagers growling, dressed in a rubber S&M outfit including devil's horns and a strap-on, entirely covered in puke?

The Cloth - oh wow, this was sooo bad! The story is about a secret group of people battling against demonic possession. They are called The Cloth and they are trying to recruit Jason, who doesn't believe in god or anything (so it's a little weird that they want him and not someone else, but it has something to do with his father who used to fight demons too). Of course, along the way, he starts believing in god and the church and everything, and this, along with the fact that the main demon is a black guy accompanied by two lesbian girls who do drugs all the time, made me suspicious: I guess this is one of those christian propaganda films. The acting is atrocious and together with the abominable effects, it makes this film what it is, a large turd for bad moviefans to enjoy. Example: Jason and Laurel (she is like the mode christian, she puts christianity above all else) are having a chat, and then Jason says this shameless cliche "Everyone dies, but not everyone is living." And then they both stare at each other like they are having a "deep" conversation. In another scene Jason is simply looking emotionless, it looks like he doesn't care what's going on around him, so even when not talking, this guy is acting like a bag of potatoes. The effects look like they are made by a 10-year old, and sometimes there are cgi sequences put into scenes which look like music videos and it isn't all too clear what their purpose is. Recommended for bad moviefans.

Vamp U - a popular history teacher called Wayne Gretzky gets to meet a new girl, Chris, in his class and she reminds him of his late wife Mary Lipinksy. She died ages ago, when he accidentally killed her by biting her neck. Wayne is a vampire, hence this accident. Chris is dating Fred, but he finds out she spends increasingly more time with Dr G, as Wayne iks called by the students. After a while, he and his buddy Tom find out that Wayne is indeed a vampire. Chris doesn't want the vampirism to spread, but he really has to control himself hard not to bite Chris. For help on this subject, he visits a shrink called Arthur Levine, who tries to give him advice as good as possible, but also tries to chip in for himself am little. This horrorcomedy quite funny, and it has several good jokes and references. It is never scary though, so more comedy than horror. It also has a few very good looking babes, so if you have 95 minutes to kill, you can easily spend them on this little film. I liked it.