and my version of the translation. i dont really speak norwegian, i just started trying to learn it after watching deadline. man, i thought german was a nonmelodic/harsh sounding language... then i heard norwegian.


N1=norwegian with grenade, N2=norwegian with rifle.

N1: that's not a dog, it's a thing! It's a COOKBOOK!
N2:Kill it! The last one ate all our reeses pieces!
N2:My nose is cold.(hufff- hufff)
N1: Gary tried to eat me.
N2:Sneeze!
N1:Why would scientists have grenades?
(KA-BooooM!)
N2:My only clean...... underwear was in that helicopter!!!.. and now my socks are wet!(gasp) ............
my toes are cold!(hufff- hufff)
(see the american scientist)
N2: You guys look friendly......(huff) Want to come to our camp? we have cookies.(huff-pufff)
dammit, i lost a mitten...............Sneeze!........(gunshotPOW)...
.Hey! There is a bullet in my eye! .........
Now .......I am
........the snowqueen ......
of...summer.
_glurrgle_

hey, johnny/other vikings, does it actually translate anywhere near how i did?

Wow, you made it to 10 pages and still haven't made a lick of sense. Congrats.

The Ravensmasher

(original edgar 'anvil' poe's 'the raven' is http://www.comnet.ca/~forrest/raven.html).

i call it
'The Raven II: guinea piggu'
by M. Smasher
(it takes place after the last paragraph or whatever you call the last thingee, i put it in to provide errr, context. i felt the main character gave up too easy. and i kind of think poe would have wanted it to end this way.)

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted---nevermore!




(my director's cut ending starts now)
'Answer me!' i screamed in vain,
silence still it did maintain
mocking me with cruel distain.
My sanity could not withstain
the wicked thoughts across my brain
but deep despair did i feign,
despondent paralyzed in pain,
yet a hidden smile i did retain,
..........cause I knew this bird is gonna die.

schemeing with the utmost care
(under guise of deep despair)
i took the raven unaware,
i threw my book at it's head.

moving rather deftly before my chance had left me
even though it clawed and pecked me
my hands grasped around it's stately form;
my grip only tightened as it struggled,
squaked it mighty yet still i held it tightly,
now it was truly frightened,making me quite delighted,
and still my grip did tightend
now surpised as i saw fear bulging from it's eyes.

tightly i did squeeze and thusly broke its wings,
crunching wings with bones so hollow,
the squaking squeeling that did follow
helped to ease my ceaseless sorrow
as it writhed upon the floor,
crushed wings feebly flapping,
its struggles only sapping
sapping its blood upon the floor.

chuckling now, with my jest,
i went outside to find its nest,
to find its babies before it died,
overcome with my laughter,
i hurried back hereafter
to crush the eggs before its eyes
lauging louder from it's cries.

grinning now, my despair did lighten just to hear it struggle frightened
it's suffering made me brighten,
i'm much happier then before,
emptied now my sorrow i saw brightness for the morrow
or any days that would follow with my memories of Lenore.
i too knew that raven, that mangled ghastly graven;
once sure and stately raven
gurgling blood upon the floor
and asked it, as it's life ebbed ended last,
now who's nevermore?


And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Where the once pallid bust of Pallas was, just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming replaced with glass not as gleaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And then since thereafter i echo with the laughter,
My Hearty bellowed laughter, now forever after lifts my soul from any care,
Now a stranger to despair
Because i had it stuffed, and mounted here.

ah, i dont think i got what it takes to be a goth, guys. i'm going back to law school.

no response at all to my wonderfull poem. damn. i actually thought it was pretty good, not that ive ever really read a book of poetry or wrote poems.
now i have made some more little wastes of time, trying to find a talent. im sorry if my post used to be wild and entertaining are now rather stupid. i dont know what;s whith me, i think it has to do with the medication i have to take now for epileptic seisures(i just got out the hospital). medicine realy doesnt make me feel much like myself, makes me rather emotional and bonecrushingly depressed or at the moment i would say 'a dazed stupor'

http://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclo ... rame-1.avi
it;s a poem in an avi form i made kind of like frankenstein. i have more of it that i was going to animate in, make it a smooth 10 minutes or so. there is 90% of the content missing, this video is 3fps, cutting out about 25 frames, so its a slide show, just the general feel, with the titles as basic premise to the story.
if u download it, tell me honestly what you think, negativity wont hurt my feelings. i know its got problems, i want to see if i can see what others think the problems are. it plays fast, so if you want to read what the lines are, you got to pause it.
if all agree that it is worthless suckiness, i will move on to my next projext.
and its only 1 mb.


the real easter bunny, aka rdbunny-
http://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclo ... bunn1y.jpg
if frankenstein smoked crack, this would be the result-
http://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclo ... napede.jpg
the logo i did for 'house of darkness' i did a few, but i liked this one the least-
http://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclo ... ess-11.jpg
here is a picture of the hottie i met from hod named algiz
http://members.lycos.co.uk/skitzotheclo ... lgiz-1.jpg

eh, since this thread has lost it's luster, i am killing it. i've moved on to a few other forums that havent gotten sick of me yet, and to have the time to finish someof my other projects.
still close to 1200 views is a good number of views for my inane ramblings, though i suspect around 800 of them are from me.

i'm not leaving completely, i doubt i will post much anymore, but i am always happy to correspond with people, try and get peoples requests, that sort. i still have titles written on my arm i am hunting for for peoples, i just need to accomplish a few things.
i will(if it is ok) put up some of my finished dealies when they get done, for those interested.
at the moment i'm doing
-(its working alpha now)zombie film compedium(it has a lot, just needs nonripped of synopsis's written)has trailors,clips, music, that crap done.
-(its working alpha now)Monkey's Big Book of HP Lovecraft
same basic engine as zombiefilmcompedium, but with every book, essay, poem, collaberation, and much correspondence, movie related reviews, a rather sad biography, lotta stuff for the hp lovecraft enthusiest.
- a MURK interface im doing for house of darkness's rpg. gay femme vampire roleplaying, yippee!-shudder-
my wonderful manmademan action poetry. since nobody downloaded it, i guess it sucks here.

...........now monkey fades back into the shadows, quietly disolving like a ghost's fart.

Gee I do believe people are just plain afraid to respond to you these days....
This thread is scary

especially the poem part !

moving on eh?

I'm starting to feel this naggin' feeling too.....

In one year time I've pretty much downed and seen 80% of all the horror movies i honestly believed I would never see.....

I'm not gonna down them in dvd-r again......

A man of my age shouldn't look back but a year ago my private life was a mess......and i've only improved it marginally.....
Ohgod doesn't have the most pleasant year of his life ahead of him...

I too will exit quietly one day(at the moment they're celebrating loudest) , like a cat's/elephant's last deed.....
But Enough about me...


Should this be our last communiqe monkey, then so long and live prosper .....I'm sure we'll bump into each other in/on some other dimension eventually - be it after OR before death

thanx for all your rips....
And your patience with my ftp debacle....

Vaya con dios

Damn MS, you can't leave, you are a cornerstone of our community.

jeez, im stil here, i was just hanging out in the shadows more, its not like i have a job or something, i just need to accomplish a few things.
i'll pop in, this still is marked as my home page, and i am always happy to correspond with you guys.... in fact more than happy by the lump in my trousers(just kidding),
and secretly(dont tell anybody) i have been rounding people up over the last couple months for a small tight knit filetransfering group. the beta runs have been going fine, though it needs work.

and i'll miss you most of all, tin man.

hehe, and if you surfing the web, you will find a few other sites that i have my own personal posts on, just like this forum, under various names.

and geez, did anybody actually bother downloading that video/avi i made? i liked it, i liked my raven poem too, i am starting to think i am just not fitting in here since i dont release a bonanza of videos anymore, i was just trying to contribute things in my own way, and figured they just sucked ass.

i hope u type in here now and then it would kill hhah if u you leave for good you know.... anyway great poem monkey i allways read your posts great stuff you put in them gfx, poem or crazy rambling i like it

hey my monkey mate. sad to hear you stepping into the shadows, but I understand. have much less time for hhah myself lately too. hope you'll stay true too your words and keep in touch every now and then again. =)




I downed it, but it sped by much too fast for it to be read...

You know this isn't true.
No one fitts better in here than you.

But of course do as you like. Stop by every now and then and focus on your other projects. Shadows are quite comfy..

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life...

I reckon Monkey's just gone off to practice for his Olympic quest
There was talk of him being entered into the Melon humping contest but the smallest drill bit is 1 inch so that's a no go
he could enter the coxless twos but he will never get a partner as appropiate as himself -
how about the quadathalon - 10 miles walking on your hands then 10 miles up a river in a supermarket trolley (complete with 3 wheels min)
10 miles backwards on a skateboard and the last 4 miles strapped to the underneath of a camel
I reckon he'd piss that one

Craftee

nah, i was going for the 100 meter hurtle squirts, sponserd by ex lax, the lax the keeps exxing.

and i am mafia-ing my way into a few places, so visit
http://comic-central.bucktv.net/forum/p ... reply&t=67
(specially ohgodwhatalongname,wargand, + comiclovers)
and tell them 'monkeysmasher sent me, said there would be some sort of buffet?'

(this of course, is part of a larger, grand and halfheartedly evil scheme of world domination) hey, im into world conquest, but i dont want to go out of my way to do it. i prefer the slow steady pace only morphine can provide.

to the batcave!
i mean Fatcave!

err, anybody want my HP lovecraft compedium? It has a biography,pics every book, essay, poem, coloaboration, some correspondence, movie synopsis, and quite a few audio books, and trying to get every trailor.

anybody want? it's good, and it works.

http://forum.dead-donkey.com/viewtopic.php?t=3107
Yeah

ah, i get worked up discusing things, so on a lighter note(seriously this time, not like my trick story/nightmare i put elsewere)
this will definately not fit in with the mood of this thread, so kill it, iam making it up as i type, kind of for some lighthearted relief. it is based on a true story.

-ahem-
Like many young bachelors my age, i go thru hundreds, sometimes thousands of housepets each year. wether drowned in vodka, cooked in a microwave, liquid nitrogen and a hammer, blenderized, sodomiz(woops, nevermind), shot into space, inflated with a tirepump, dropped in a well, shaved, electecuted, exploded, imploded, or mysteriously and often painfully dispersered over a large areas of woodlands, i often look for a special kind of house pet, one that is affectionate, and more importantly resiliant enough to survive my form of 'love'.
During my long, and often arrestable search, i came to one final option, yes, youve probably guessed it already yourself,
that's right,
a korean mail order bride.

And being unlucky bloke that i am, it really did get off on the wrong foot. err, i mean figurativaly and litterally, she had a peg leg, but the figuratively bad luck started when i didnt have the money to pay the shipping charges. she was stuck in a crate down at the post office for almost a month untill my montgomery gi bill check came in(surprisingly, the VA covers mail order brides under 450pounds), i mean it wasnt that bad, the crate had some air holes drilled in, with some straw/hay, and a little waterbottle with one of those exercise wheels.... ah, but i digress).
I finally pay the shipping charges and storage fee, and wouldnt you know it, termites had infested her peg leg, and not to mention her hook hand and that damn parrot, i think she may have been a pirate of some sort, though she did take grand champion status in the local toughman competition, and spea;;;;;;;;;;;;;-


-----------------------------------------------
errr, it gets a little wierd from this point on, so i will cut it short. As soon as my then current wife found out i had ordered a korean mail order bride, man, all hell broke loose. 3 part jerry springer series, cover of every tabloid, not to mention my other wife i had two towns over reading about it in the local church newsletter, then the Pope(old dude, pointey hat) called me up, said that God had actually mentioned ME by NAME, and i was on the Smote-ing list, plus they kicked me out of the Black Panther party and revoked my Klan membership, I'm on satan's mailing list, and then santa clause pulled a switchblade on me during a gay pride march, i got mugged by an actuall plastic lawn gnome, even my mirror reflection flips me the bird.

ohh, i wont even get into the letter i got served today, apparently the cockroaches that live in my apartment have filed a class action lawsuit,..- for get this- 'unhygenic unsanitary living conditions',man, those little bastards dont even pay me rent. jeez, i dont even have a real job, yet i still have my wages garnished for that midget i accidentaly ate, not to mention i now got to pay for the 'illegal aquisition' of the music that i pick up from the metal fillings in my teeth.
they want 50,000 $ in royalties, i dont even like n'sync, and that's all that plays, 24-7.
i say this in all sincerety, man, it aint easy being me, especially since the voices in my head are being all pissy, they want to move out, i swear, one was just fine, but then more came and they formed a clique, with me not cool enough to hang with them. it's my damn head, but noooo-ooo, i'm not cool enough, damn elitist bastard snob demon voices.


i'm sorry, i just had to get this off my chest.

After hanging out here a bit, getting to know some of you (in the slightest sense of the word 'know') i notice an often downcast and dreary forum, seeping en mass into dreary downcast posting people. What this place needs is a little light hearted humor, a friendly little anectdote, so here is one.
Wisdom can come from anyone, whether they are knowledgable of what the spoke as wise, or just strung a phrase together at random that proves almost an apiphany of insightfullness. Some of the best often comes from some of the least likely, as a wisened and somewhat grizzled old gas station attendent once bestowed these words of gas-stationly wisdom(or petrol, to you foriegn devils), 'He who increases his knowledge, increases his sorrow twicefold'.
i thought nothing of this at the time, as i was methodically breaking his kneecaps and assorted knee ligaments with a tire iron, and after crushing both elbow joints with one of those hydraulic truck lift dealies, the phrase came back to haunt me on occasion. knowledge, for whatever reason, has a will of its own, and spreads seemingly without an intermediary, as i learned after removing his tongue with a set of Sears brand(tm) viceclamps and a pvc cutter tool, filling his mouth with the output of a septic tank and using an arc welder to melt it shut, the look of sad resignation, and yet, still even a hint of understanding as i used one of those rather spiffy power rachet(like they use at racetracks, with the whrrrrrclack whrrrclck, oh, im sure you've heard them before. they have quite a distinctive sound.), to remove his eyeballs from thier sockets and force feed them to his daughter. ah, and as i set fire to the whole place, the kids wriggling and screaming as they tried to get out of the layer apon layer of duct tape(i always recomend duct tape, it is a fine product available at most major hardware stores,wal-mart, even some grochery stores) i secured them with, with that familiar sickly sweet porklike smell and the gurgled screaming as they melted into humanfat candlewax(man meat cooked taste like baccon). Years, later, contemplating his words, i understand that yes, knowledge does bring sorrow, no matter howfold, so now i am going to take a power drill and bore a hole thru my brain.

the end.












-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(eh, nothing of this is true, it is just my attempt at a sadistic short story style, trying to lure people in with a lighthearted anecdote, then smashing a horrid tale of calcullating sociopathic cruelty unexpectantly. if it actually offends or such, i will remove it readily and apologize, i am just curious as to the effect of the bait and switch approach to writing.i had some more rather disgusting portions i had edited out while writing this.)

again, this is all fake, i made it up. i absolutely am against violence towards children. man vs. man fair fight is fine with me, but i like kids. women are cool too, but i would defend myself if one was to say, shoot me in the back of the head and bury me in the desert, on chance i survive and dug my way out, i would hunt that bitch down and beat her like, like, like....well, like she shot me in the back of the frikin head and i lived long enough to hunt her down.

hehehe,
actually a true story along the watermellon remark,
when i was about 2 months in boot camp, while on line/inspection/formation/P.O.A., a drill instructor says to me,
'MONKEYFUCKER,YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKING SERIAL RAPIST!!

and with no knowledge or ability to control myself,
i said
'Fruitloop broke, but frankenberry took it like a bitch,SIR!.'


and that my friend, was soon to become the worst beating of my life. that drill instructor i swear was just one walking angry muscle, had probably at least 100 pounds on me, of just muscle, 0 bodyfat, all anger, no pity. a fucking monster of a man, and given the oportunity, i would run his ass over in my car if the chance arose.

this is a true story, and since my recovery of the 'incentive training' i went thru, though the scars are still showing, slightly fading, and almost 14(?) years later, i have never, ever made a smart ass remark out loud, without first observing all possible escape routes.

hehe, nice story (ies) monkeyman. interesting writing technique there. I always wanted to write some long-assed silly love story aboot two people torn appart by faith, then spending years trying to get back together. Then, when they finally meet up one of them chokes on a piece of apple and dies. people choking on pieces of apple are funny.

boy meets girl. boy looses girl. girl finds boy, boy dies from a tragic apple explosion, killing 12, wounding 23 others. same old story. still, hilariously tragic and delightfully sadistic.


say, hey, johnny boy, how ya been?
dont know if i mentioned it, but this monkeyboy has been funded. yes, my friend,some of my bullshit has gone pro.even though i had vowed never to work for a living, i have been fronted enough to jack the hell up my internet connection.